


Forget-Me-Not

by Akiko_chaan



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Drama, Drama & Romance, Hanahaki Disease, High School, I am very sorry this is so long (and sad) (but cute), M/M, Oneshot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 17:03:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_chaan/pseuds/Akiko_chaan
Summary: He felt his eyes get wet as Dongmin held the flowers like they were something fragile, smelling them."Do you like them?""I love them."I love you.Dongmin's favorite flowers are forget-me-not.Moonbin wonders if he'd still like them if he knew Moonbin coughed them up every night because of him.{won best angst fanfiction in Annual Astro Fanfic Awards}





	Forget-Me-Not

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies!  
> This is the first work I post on here. It's already on Wattpad but I decided to register on here, too, because I myself read a lot on ao3. It's a lot longer than I had originally expected it to be, but I hope it's still entertaining.  
> Thank you for reading in advance and see you after the oneshot!
> 
> Playlist:  
> Lord Huron - I Will Be Back One Day / The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home (Instrumental Version) / Sleeping At Last - Turning Pages / Blue Foundation - Eyes On Fire (Cover by Kyle Buckley) / Lord Huron - The Night We Met / Lord Huron - Meet Me In The Woods / Milky Chance - Where Is My Mind (Pixies Cover) / The Cinematic Orchestra - Arrival Of The Birds  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyntIMFmD8HnLbipUZBUHIUK3lcPXBmSg

The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned.

 

"Moonbin, can you help me with the tv?"

He turned around, eyes looking for whoever had called him. His mother, a few steps behind him, was struggling to carry the heavy electronical device in her hands, so he quickly put down his box of clothes and hurried to lift the weight off her arms.

"Thank you", she sighed, turning her head from left to right, probably searching Moonbin's father. A loud noise in the backyard proved her assumption and she sighed a second time. "What is he doing back there? Moonbin, can you take care of your room? I think I'll have to carry the books for the library by myself, if he hasn't already destroyed them."

"Okay", Moonbin responded and watched how his mother left through the door for a second, before lifting his head and looking up at the ceiling. It seemed to be so far away, so much higher then the one in the house they had lived in before. It wasn't like Moonbin would've ever admitted his slight claustrophobia, but he liked being in a spacious room where it didn't feel like the walls would crash down on him.

In general, Moonbin was very excited about moving to Seoul. Although he had admittedly shed a few tears saying goodbye to his friends, he felt bubbly inside, thinking about all the new experiences he was going to make. Everything was new - this house, his school and the people he would meet. It felt a lot like a new start, a new chapter, and Moonbin liked clean, carefully cut things.

He had decided to keep his room clean and carefully cut, too - a lot of white on the walls, more white on his furniture and only little sprinkles of blue colour that he allowed just because it happened to be his favorite colour. There was something about blue he had always liked, how it was calm and collected even when the world and Moonbin himself seemed to be in such a hurry.

Even in his room he could still hear his parents arguing in the backyard. His mother wasn't satisfied with his father most of the time, but he had gotten used to that. Putting his earphones in, he let himself fall down on the bed, enjoying the little bouncing caused by his mattress.

"Have you already packed your bag for school?", his mother asked a few minutes later after she had entered without knocking. "I don't want you to be late tomorrow."

Moonbin could understand her even with music playing, so he just nodded. "I won't be late."

He was late the next morning. Staying on his phone for too long out of insomnia, he had overslept - not much, but enough to make him jump out of his bed. As expected, his parents had already left. They didn't spend much time as a family, they never had. Moonbin had grown up in a household full of busy people with exhausting jobs and strict rules. He had hoped that would also change with the move, but his hopes diminished whenever he thought about it. His parents would never change, and even though Seoul was pretty impressive and influential, it surely wouldn't influence them.

"I'm okay, don't worry", Moonbin tried to calm down his best friend Seungjun. He was trying to eat a piece of toast while simutaneously walking. He wasn't really good at multitasking, and a bit clumsy too, so he tripped more than once. "I'm just a little overwhelmed by everthing."

"You have to call me this evening!", Seungjun begged on the other end of the line. "I'm already dying to know what it's like in Seoul."

"It's not going to be any different than Busan", Moonbin laughed, still trying to stuff the piece of toast into his mouth at once. "It's ..." He looked around. "A lot of shops, a bit of landscape and a blue sky above. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"In the movies they always move to bigger cities, find the love of their life and have a lot of adventures." Seungjun sighed. "I'm just saying. Don't dare to disappoint me."

Moonbin's words were caught in his throat. Seungjun knew a lot about him, as they had been friends since middle school, but he didn't know everything. Maybe Moonbin didn't want that to change. So he just laughed a bit and responded: "I won't. I'll try my best to behave like the protagonist of a kdrama just for the sake of your satisfaction."

"I truly appreciate that, Moonbin."

They spent the way to school talking about plans for meeting up in the autumn holidays. It was quite sunny weather for the beginning of September, so Moonbin squeezed his eyes together to shield them from the blinding light. Although everything in Seoul seemed to be the same at first glance, there were little details that occured differently to him. He didn't tell Seungjun because he wouldn't understand that everything just seemed to be a little bit brighter, the people walking through the streets next to him a bit louder and the hot air a bit more flickering.

He felt like something was going to change and it excited him - a small, undefinable wave of exitement in the pit of his stomach that wrapped itself around him whenever he looked around, at the big street signs showing the names of various shops, the houses that seemed to be so much higher and his own school uniform, now blue and yellow instead of grey and red.

I hope something will change.

He didn't speak it out loud because Seungjun would've asked why he wasn't comfortable with his current life. It would've seemed dumb to say something like that when in the end maybe nothing would change at all.

"I will sincerely inform you if I save the world by hazard or get confronted by a big, scary dragon. But sadly, I don't even think you'll be able to help me with my first day of school. And that seems like a much bigger problem at the moment."

He laughed. He didn't even have a clue.  
\-------------------------------

"Extracurricular classes! You have to sign up!"

There was so much noise in the entrance hall that as soon as Moonbin had entered, he felt like he was going deaf. He had always been sensitive to sound, but he didn't believe this volume was comfortable for anyone. It was only then, when he saw the masses of students that were pouring into the hall in every second, that he remembered his new high school had four times as much students as his last.

"Extracurricular classes! No, wait, you have to put your name on it! Guys, I'm serious, don't .."

The boy whose voice seemed to be the loudest was standing behind a large table in the middle of the hall, trying to give out papers to the passing students, who mostly ignored him or grabbed the paper just to throw it into the next wastebin. Still, he wasn't giving up, screaming around and just stuffing his papers into the pockets of people who were passing by.

"You're not going to get what you want if you don't sign up today!", he shouted, hectically hitting the surface of the table with a stack of papers in his hand. "It's not a choice! You have to --- hey!"

Someone had gone up to him, just to grab a few sheets of paper and throw them in the air. Some laughing could be heard, while the boy was just staring incredulously at the papers raining down on him.

Moonbin, who had just been pushed harshly to the side as he was standing still in the middle of a mass of moving people, discovered a small path that wasn't blocked by students or their bags to get to the other boy. He felt sorry for him, and when he finally reached the table, he already wanted to reach out to take one of the papers voluntarily. But before he could do anything, the black-haired boy that was still staring after his bullies, slapped his papers on the table again and screamed: "I'm going to find out where you live, and then I'm going to break in and plaster the walls of your room with these papers, and maybe I'm also going to make a nice necklace out of them so you can choke in your sleep, ungrateful brat!"

"Ouch!" The boy only looked into Moonbin's direction when he pulled his hand back, shaking it with a hurt expression on his face. Accidentially, the other had hit the back of his hand harshly instead of the table.

"I'm sorry!", he exclaimed nervously, looking at Moonbin from head to toe, like he was some alien that had just appeared out of thin air. Rubbing his hurting hand, Moonbin finally got the chance to properly examine him. Pitch black bangs that covered big, dark eyes in a small, almost elf-like face. A slight pout decorated his pink lips.

"It's okay", Moonbin responded. He felt rather awkward, as he had never been good with making friends or generally talking to strangers. In order to destroy the tense atmosphere, he hastily kneeled down and picked up the few sheets of paper that were scattered on the floor to give them back to the boy in front of him.

"You ...", the other started, "You ... you're new! I haven't seen you here! Please! Please just fill out this paper!" He offered Moonbin one by bowing and reaching out his hands. Moonbin didn't quite know how to respond, and so a tiny laughter left his throat before he could prevent it.

"Sure." He took it, not noticing how the other boy's jaw dropped in disbelief, and examined it. It was an application form for extracurricular classes, on which he had to write down his name, class and his assignments. The big black hangul that seemed almost alarming and were telling the reader it was compulsory to sign up for at least one of them were written on the top, middle and last part of the sheet.

"What courses are there that I could sign up for?", Moonbin asked after looking up again. The hall had become much quieter in the last few minutes, as most students had already arrived by now and were on the way to their classrooms. Moonbin noticed he should probably be, too, but he didn't even know where his classroom was.

The other boy was still staring at him like he was from another dimension. Moonbin feared he had something on his face or in his hair, until he finally stammered: "Uh, there is volleyball, dance, the jazz band, soccer, boardgames, architecture, art history and theatre ..."

Boardgames?, Moonbin almost laughed, but held back. The boy in front of him still looked like a dying fish on land, enumerating various courses. He decided it was time to break the ice, and Moonbin despite his awkwardness was pretty direct, so he said: "I'm Moonbin. I hope I'm not the only person who accepted this yet but it seems like it. You don't have to stare at me, I'm human."

The other blinked like he had just awaken out of deep slumber. "Moonbin. Okay." In just the span of half a second, a wide grin appeared on his face. "I'm MJ. Myungjun. But nicknames are cool. Well, only Jinjin calls me MJ, but I'm also the only one who calls him Jinjin so it's fine. I'm the prefect for the seniors."

Moonbin couldn't prevent feeling a bit disappointed. Myungjun seemed like a nice person, but they sadly wouldn't have any classes together as Moonbin was still a junior. He didn't speak it out loud, but despite that he hoped they would be able to become friends.

"Can you maybe show me where the registry office is?", he asked, nervously licking his lips, a bad habit he had become used to. "I have maths for the first period but I don't even know where the stairs are."

Myungjun's grin was blinding. If he wasn't threatening other students, he seemed like a sweetheart. With an enthusiastic grin, he grabbed his backpack and signaled Moonbin to follow him, leaving the table with the stacks of paper on it. Moonbin figured nobody would take them away anyway.

"So where are you from?", Myungjun asked while they were walking down the hallway. Only after having seen a few corners, Moonbin was already pretty sure he would get lost if he ever was to walk around alone. Most classrooms were occupied with classes, and he could understand a few parts of what the teachers were saying. Apparently they were more than just late to class, but as a new student he hopefully wouldn't get scolded for that.

He looked around, fixing the straps of his backpack with his fingers. "I'm from Busan. I've moved here because my parents have found a new job." The whole building seemed to be modern, with large windows on display and light yellow coloured walls that seemed like they had just been painted. Fortunately, there were two rows of lockers on each one. Moonbin's last school hadn't even possessed lockers for sports class.

"Besides my extraordinary intelligence and kindness I'm also known for my famous sightseeing tours around the city", Myungjun stated so confidently Moonbin wasn't too sure if it should be a joke or if Myungjun was serious. "I could show you around a bit."

It was truly a friendly thing to do to offer something like this to him, Moonbin thought, growing more fond of Myungjun with every step. Unfortunately, he didn't yet know how to explain him the unaccepting atmosphere of his daily family life without seeming like a weirdo and scaring his new friend away.

He shrugged. "That's ... really nice of you."

Myungjun laughed, going up the first few steps on the staircase they had reached. Moonbin, who had raised his head and was staring up the several floors until his glance met the ceiling that seemed to be kilometers away, wondered about the old, dark wood the staircase was made of. It made a cracking sound with every footstep he set on it. Although so in contrast to everything else in the building, it seemed to fit in. Moonbin had always liked the vintage style, even if his all-white interior wouldn't have ever made anyone guess.

"You have to tell that Jinjin at lunch", he responded. "He is convinced that I'm the personification of Satan in a human body."

Before Moonbin could respond to that odd statement, Myungjun made an approving noise and pointed with his hand to Moonbin's right. "There's the registry office. I hope for the sake of your wellbeing Mrs Pak is the one who's at duty today." He sighed, looking in the opposite direction. "Well, I have physics now. See you at lunch!"

Moonbin could only look after him as he hastily walked away. Myungjun seemed to be the type of guy to have the speed of running without doing so, legs moving quicker than anyone else's. Before Moonbin was able to comprehend, he had already vanished out of sight and Moonbin was left alone in the hallway.

Had that just been an invitation for lunch? He came to the conclusion it couldn't really have been. Myungjun didn't know anything about him except for his name and hometown. Additionally, Moonbin possessed, at least in his opinion, an annoying babyface that made him look so much younger, so Myungjun probably thought of him as a freshman or sophomore. The people at his school in Busan would've rather pushed younger students down the stairs than invited them for lunch.

Moonbin didn't even know where Myungjun and his friends, apparently including someone named Jinjin, would go to eat, so maybe he should just let Myungjun's comment slip and focus on other things. He tended to overthink, a habit he would've given anything for to get rid of. Shrugging rather to himself than anyone else, he decided he should much more urgently care about his registration.

To his surprise, everything went rather smooth. The woman in the office was pretty kind and smiling at him all the time, so Myungjun's hope had probably come to life. She asked for Moonbin's registration papers and gave him his student ID, as well as his timetable, school books and locker information. After twenty minutes of filling out the last registries, Moonbin thanked the secretary, who lastly told him his name after all - it was indeed Mrs Pak -, and left the office packed with a load of heavy books.

When he finally got to his classroom after running around helplessly for another twenty minutes and having asked the janitor in the end, he was exhausted and his hands were hurting from carrying his books. Anxiously, he stood in front of the door, wiping the sweat of his nose. He wanted to make a good first impression, but didn't know how to.

At least he didn't have to knock - when he was already about to raise his hand, the door suddenly slid to the side, revealing a class full of students that immediately shifted their glance to him, and a female teacher that was still giving instructions rather than looking at him.

"Please read page 21 until I come back", she said and was ready to turn around and leave the classroom, when Moonbin drew her attention. Apparently he looked helpless enough to make up for his late appearance, because she didn't even think about telling him off, instead putting a surprised look on her face as she asked: "Are you new here?"

Moonbin eagerly nodded, too intimidated to speak. She looked younger than most teachers, with smooth black hair and friendly eyes, so there wasn't any reason to be. Annoyed with himself, he decided to tell at least his name so she wouldn't have to ask, but once again was interrupted in his plans.

"You can introduce yourself to the class while I copy the worksheets", she said and made an inviting gesture towards the class that was still following Moonbin's every movement. He felt more than uncomfortable as he stepped inside the classroom, the door sliding closed behind him. At least twenty-five pairs of eyes seemed to be burning holes into his skin.

Moonbin felt like he was frozen, not being able to move a muscle. He had always been socially awkward, not wanting to receive attention or get noticed by strangers, and standing in front of more than two dozen strangers awakened the overwhelming urge inside of him to just turn around and run away.

With a wave of shock he noticed some guy at the back was the first one to react. He even stood up and began walking towards Moonbin, who immediately took a step back out of fear. The class laughed.

"What's your name?", he asked. The red tie around his neck was a lot looser than the school policy probably allowed, but he didn't seem to care. The first button of his shirt was open, his hair a mess but his eyes sparkling with excitement, although his whole nonchalant posture expressed coolness as he casually leaned against one of his classmate's tables. The sun in Seoul had to be a lot stronger, Moonbin thought, because his skin was tanned; or maybe it were just his genes.

An awkward scratching of his throat. "Moonbin." The other guy didn't seem so intimidating anymore up close, but Moonbin still felt uncomfortable. Was he the most popular student in this class and had the natural advantage of befriending new students, the bully that everyone feared and that had just chosen a new victim, or maybe just the class president responsible for taking care of the embarrassed newbie?

"Moonbin, I see", he responded and, to Moonbin's reassurance, held out his hand. "I'm Pak Minhyuk. Nice to meet you."

Moonbin shook his hand and there was a moment of silence between them. He noticed how Minyhuk's cheeks showed dimples when he smiled, before another student that was sitting in the back called out: "Minhyuk, you're embarrassing! You're making him uncomfortable!"

"It's okay", Moonbin managed to get out, finally getting enough courage to mouth his matter of concern. "Is there an empty table I can sit at? These books are becoming heavier by the minute."

Minhyuk's and all others' eyes landed on the pile of books he was still carrying.

"Sure." Minhyuk turned around and Moonbin followed the movement of his glance. The class consisted of approximately the same amount of boys and girls, evenly distributed onto the seats in the front and back of the room. Moonbin disturbedly noticed all girls' eyes seemed to be glued onto him, observing him from head to toe. "You can sit next to Sanha", Minhyuk finally pointed in the direction of the guy who had just made the statement about his uneasiness.

Happy to escape the pressure of standing in front of everyone, Moonbin quickly made his way to the back of the class, letting his bag fall down onto the floor next to his table, putting his books onto it and sitting down. As he looked up again, his neighbor was waving at him with a wide smile on his face.

"Hey", he greeted him, "I'm Yoon Sanha." He had blonde hair, and it somehow seemed to suit him, considering his eyes were as bright as the sun. Apparently the school policy really wasn't that strict, if juniors were allowed to die their hair. Sanha's shirt was properly buttoned, just like Moonbin's, fitting his expression of Sanha being younger than himself.

"You've said around twenty words until now, but you've already proved your position in this class", Minhyuk interrupted them and smootly slipped onto his own chair in front of Moonbin's desk. "After Taehyung left for Incheon last summer the girls urgently needed a new hottie, so take care."

"You're just jealous", Sanha laughed, trying to kick Minhyuk's knee from under his table. "You were already cheering that Taehyung was gone so you could take over his place."

Moonbin was following their conversation, not quite sure how to respond. Had Minhyuk just complimented him? Or was it just an objective observation? He couldn't deny all the giggling that was currently to be heard around them, girls turning around in their chair every two seconds to steal a glance at the three boys talking. Moonbin wasn't used to it. The last few years, he had just hid amongst his other friends, not really spending a second thought about things like that.

"I'm not", Minhyuk insisted, tilting his head like he was thinking about something before looking at Moonbin again. "Can you dance?"

"Are you trying to prove that you're more popular and desirable because you can move to some stupid pop music?", Sanha intervened but Minhyuk just rolled his eyes at his comment.

"No, I'm just thinking about how much more people would actually attent our performances if we had hotter club members", he corrected Sanha like it was something totally plausible. Referring his attention to Moonbin again, he explained: "You know, I'm the leader of the dance club. And I'm always looking for new dancers. Your posture just makes you look like you can dance and your face wouldn't hurt in regards of attracting spectators."

Moonbin shrugged unsurely. "I've never really tried it."

"You should definitely come to our club meeting on Friday", Minhyuk said. "You need an extracurricular class, anyway."

"Oh, yeah, I already know that", Moonbin answered. "Can you also ... sign up for two?"

"Two?", Sanha asked, interested. "Wait, let me guess! Don't say anything." Minhyuk silently rolled his eyes once again, like he was already used to Sanha's behaviour. "You look like ... and architecture person? Or art history?"

Moonbin blushed. "Theatre", he corrected him quietly, like it was something to be ashamed of. He had always wanted to act, but his last school hadn't offered a theatre class. He didn't know how it would turn out, though, so he hadn't really planned on telling anyone. It would be incredibly embarrassing if he wouldn't even get a role in the schoolplay because of lacking talent or his shyness - that was maybe also the reason why Sanha hadn't thought he would be interested in something as outgoing as that.

"The theatre will be packed for the play if you participate", Minhyuk laughed. "Two handsome students in one extracurricular class! The stage is probably just going to explode."

Moonbin wanted to ask what he meant by that, but the door opened and the class went silent as the teacher entered again. Moonbin hastily nodded when she asked him if he had introduced himself, and then she went on with the class.

While they were still writing the headliner of a new topic into their notebooks, Minhyuk slipped a paper note onto his desk that read: We're eating in the cafeteria for lunch. Wanna join?

Maybe his first day at the new school wasn't too bad after all.

\----------------

After Moonbin had managed to fill out his registry paper for the extracurricular classes and felt a bubbly happiness about having been able to apply for both courses, he decided to head to the cafeteria for lunch break. As he was a few minutes later than everyone else because he had been waiting at the registry office, he hoped Minhyuk and Sanha would've already sat down at some table so he wouldn't have to look too long for them.

In his mind, he was still contemplating whether Myungjun's offer had been a serious one. It had been a very spontaneous and casual one, but Myungjun himself seemed to be such a type. If so, Moonbin was confronted with the next dilemma - at which table should he sit?

It was so ridiculous he almost laughed. In contrast to his fear of having to eat alone, he was now stressed out because two people had invited him to eat with them. Maybe Myungjun wouldn't even eat in the cafeteria or he would just go up to him and politely decline.

And it seemed even more ridiculous once he had actually reached the cafeteria after a few minutes of helplessly asking a few students for the directions. It was across the schoolyard, in the same building as the classrooms for music and art courses. His stomach was a empty as a black hole - the whole day so far had really been exhausting to Moonbin, although nothing special had happened in the rest of math and Korean class. On the other hand, Moonbin as a boy in his teenage years was constantly tired and hungry.

As soon as he stepped through the doors, he was enveloped by the strong smell of something delicious. He resisted the urge to immediately run towards the food corner, and instead began to look for a familar face among the crowd.

There were at least thirty large tables scattered across the room, almost all occupied by groups of students that were loudly chatting. It wasn't a pleasant volume of noise, but Moonbin didn't really care as long as there was food. He felt a little weigh fall of his chest when he finally spotted Sanha's bright hair. 

Making his way towards their table, he noticed Minhyuk sitting next to Sanha, which wasn't a surprise - but there were also two other guys. The one next to Minhyuk had light brown hair and sharp features, he seemed to be older than the other two and Moonbin himself. Maybe he was a senior? Moonbin was still thinking about that possibility when his glance shifted to the other one, and he was surprised to recognize him - it was the boy from this morning, Myungjun.

Could there really be such a coincidence? He was wondering if his memory of faces was worse than expected until he walked up to the table, let his bag fall onto the free chair and the black-haired boy looked up and asked: "Oh, Moonbin?"

Minhyuk seemed to be surprised by Myungjun knowing Moonbin's name. "You two know each other?", he asked and Sanha looked up from his food, too. Myungjun immediately grinned and answered: "Of course! He was the first person to actually accept my registry paper for the extracurricular classes!"

"Hey", the to Moonbin still unknown boy next to him complained, "I was the first one to accept one of them!"

Myungjun rolled his eyes. "It's not the same. You're my best friend, Jinjin, I would've killed you if you hadn't accepted it. Moonbin took it voluntarily."

Ah, Moonbin noted in his head, so the other guy was Jinjin whom Myungjun had been talking about earlier. He actually shot Moonbin a friendly smile after Myungjun's comment, but was interrupted by Minhyuk.

"He's participating in our dance club!", he happily stated, beaming at Moonbin, and then looked back at Jinjin. "I thought he looked like someone who could dance, don't you think? And we really need some good dancers after all the seniors left."

"Have you also told him you're the leader and that the club is therefore doomed to fail?", Myungjun commented, which brought him an evil glance from Minhyuk. "Yes, I have, and he still applied! Hah."

"Don't be so rude to your elders!", Myungjun responded, adressing Minhyuk's lack of polite verb conjugation. Moonbin took use of the opportunity to ask: "So ... Myungjun is a senior. Are you a senior too, Jinjin?"

Jinjin smiled. "Yeah, I am. I'm the second prefect for the seniors. Myungjun kind of dragged me into that, just like Minhyuk did with the dance club. These two seem to have a talent for doing so. Oh, and my actual name is Jinwoo, by the way."

Moonbin quickly apologized: "Oh, I'm sorry", but Jinwoo dismissed it with a shake of his head. "It's okay, you can call me Jinjin."

Moonbin relievedly nodded, a little bow with his head, before he asked: "I'll buy something to eat. Does anyone need anything?"

"Oh, I'll come with you!", Jinwoo, the only one not eating yet, exclaimed and stood up, hushing Myungjun out of the way before following Moonbin to the food corner. His tie looked different, Moonbin noticed, maybe because he was a prefect or because he was a senior. He was a lot shorter than Moonbin himself, about Myungjun's height.

"So you'll come to the meeting on Friday?", Jinwoo asked, taking a tray and placing his chopsticks on it. Moonbin copied his action and answered: "Yeah, I think so. I'm afraid I won't meet up to Minhyuk's expectations, though."

"One jjajangmyeon, please", Jinwoo ordered and Moonbin corrected: "Two jjajangmyeon."

"You don't have to be afraid", Jinwoo tried to reassure him, taking his plate off the counter. "Minhyuk can seem a bit overwhelming at times, but it's just his personality. He is so excited about everything. If you don't like it, you can always quit. Well, you would have to apply for another course, but ..."

"I wouldn't have", Moonbin explained, taking his bowl of noodles and placing it on his tray. It looked so delicious his mouth started to water. "I've already applied for two courses. I've been interested in theatre since first grade, actually."

"Theatre suits you", Jinwoo commented and smiled at him while giving his counted won to the cashier. "They're always searching for members, anyway. It seems like no one truly dares to audition for the big roles as long as Dongmin is still playing."

"Dongmin?", Moonbin asked, paying for his food and then following Jinwoo back to their table. He couldn't help but think it was a beautiful name - he had never known anyone with that name but he liked the way it rolled off his tongue.

"He's probably the most popular guy in this school", Jinwoo explained. "He's already been accepted to a drama school for after he graduates, he's our best actor and has already had a few roles in movies on television."

"Wow", Moonbin commented, truly impressed. He had never been someone to engage in activities out of the regular school life, but admired everyone that managed to make themselves a name while still studying in high school. And someone who was already famous at such a young age? That needed a lot of sacrifice and dedication.

"Anyway, I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun", Jinwoo said. Moonbin felt extremely grateful for his kind words - he seemed to understand Moonbin's struggle of being new here, not knowing anybody except for the few people he had just met and having to deal with all the problems that came with moving somewhere else.

Jinwoo was also the person that asked him a lot about his past few years, as they were eating their jjajangmyeon and gossiping about school life. It broke the ice for Moonbin, who began telling stories about his friends back in Busan, his teachers and his childhood. Only his parents were a topic that he quickly dismissed, not wanting to talk about them further. Sanha seemed to understand and didn't ask about them again.

They exchanged phone numbers before bringing back their empty bowls and trays and agreed on eating together again tomorrow. Moonbin didn't quite know how to express his gratitude to the other four - he was still incredulous towards their friendly behaviour. All his fears of spending the rest of the schoolyear alone in the library vanished in the blink of an eye.

Nothing exciting happened the rest of the day. He survived science class in the afternoon without falling asleep, even though his eyes were getting heavier by the second. Sitting by the window in the last row, he decided there had been enough social interaction for a day and spent the period by staring out of the window, his glance following the students that were leaving the building on their way home. The sun was slowly sinking, leaving the schoolyard in an orange, dim light. Trees were losing their leaves, flowing through the air and resembling birds on their way to a warmer country.

A little group of people drew his attention to them, as they were walking out of the schoolgates. Moonbin propped his chin on the palm of his hand and observed them, a few girls that were chatting but immediately stopped as a guy walked past them. Moonbin could distinguish his tall, lean figure even though he was two floors above him. Dark hair, his schoolbag next to his hip. Moonbin couldn't help but focus on him as he walked away - a confident posture, but the back of his head slightly tilted like he was looking at the ground. 

The girls were still excitedly looking after the boy as he had already vanished out of sight. Moonbin spent a moment more staring after his figure. Then he turned around and listened to the teacher's words again. 

\-----------------

"I'll come home later today", Moonbin announced while he was packing food into his bag - a little lunchbox he had prepared for himself yesterday because the cafeteria was closed on Fridays.

He could hear his mother turn around, as the metallic rustling of her searching for the keys stopped. His father was already gone, and he had been surprised to find out his mother wasn't also, when he had come downstairs. To be honest, he would've preferred not having to talk to her today. A note on the kitchen table would've been a far more convenient way to inform her about his extracurricular classes.

He could imagine the way she furrowed her eyebrows and pressed her lips together without having to look at her. "Why?" The tone of her voice was sceptical. "Are you ... meeting someone?"

Moonbin swallowed. It was like a prison, his life, this house, everything. Nothing would change in regard of his parents, just like he had thought. But he himself also refused to change - he wouldn't become a version of himself that was more lie than truth, just to please two people who would never accept him the way he was.

"I have extracurricular classes", he said, his voice trembling. A sudden anger started to raise inside of him. Turning around, he added: "But even if I would, you wouldn't have any right to decide about that."

"You know my opinion about that", his mother answered. Even though her eyes were so dark, they seemed empty to Moonbin. How many nights had he spent, standing in front of the mirror, looking for a sign in his own eyes that he wouldn't become like her? How could this woman be his mother, when she wasn't anything like him?

"I'm leaving." He grabbed his backpack, storming out the house before his mother would be able to hold him back. The front door closed with a loud noise, but he was already too far away to hear that.

His way to school was already a safe memory in his mind, so he didn't have to think about it twice. Reaching for his phone in his pocket, he opened his chat with Minhyuk and checked the time once again, just to keep him busy. Minhyuk had texted him the number of the room and the exact time for the meeting of their dance club yesterday night. Moonbin was especially relieved to get his mind off things today, and happy to spend time with Minhyuk and Jinwoo.

The only thing worrying him was the theatre club. He would definitely be late, as the two meetings were overlapping, but there wasn't any way to avoid that. Once again he remembered Jinwoo's words. No one dared to audition next to this boy named Dongmin ...

They hadn't talked about it any further, and no one had mentioned the theatre club during the last week. In general, nothing special had happened. Moonbin had definitely noticed all the looks he had gotten from various girls in his classes, maybe also because Minhyuk always mocked him about it, but the rest of the time he had just been staring out of the window, daydreaming like he always did. Considering everything else had turned out to be a lot easier than originally expected, he told himself he shouldn't worry about theatre class. He hadn't any expectations towards a main part in the play or anything like that, and his skills would hopefully be sufficient for at least getting into the club at all.

"Morning, Moonbin", Minhyuk greeted him happily when he sat down on his chair. The classroom was still rather empty, a few people were studying in the front rows. Moonbin smiled back at him - he couldn't help but notice how his mood always improved around Minhyuk. He seemed like he was always positive, without even having to try.

"Already excited for dance class?", Minhyuk winked and Moonbin laughed. "I still think you're setting your expectations way too high", he explained, searching for his books and notebook in his bag. "Maybe you won't even be able to look me in the eye after today, out of secondhand embarrassment."

"We'll see", Minhyuk said, but still seemed entirely convinced about his first impression of Moonbin.

And maybe, just maybe, Moonbin had to agree with him a few hours later when he gratefully accepted the towel Sanha gave him. Breathing heavily, he wiped the sweat of his forehead and neck before putting it over the armrest of a chair next to the wall and taking a sip out of his water bottle. He was slightly embarrassed to be out of shape this obviously, when even Sanha, who seemed to consist of bones and skin only, was fitter than him. (He also still wondered why Sanha hadn't said a word about him being part of the dance group, too, but figured it was an indirect attempt to suffocate Minhyuk's pretentious attitude towards everything concerning that topic.)

"That was pretty good", Jinwoo commented as he walked up to Moonbin. The other nodded. Surprisingly, he had been able to follow the others' movements better than expected, without missing out more than a step at once or tripping over himself. Minhyuk had named it to be the choreography they had performed at the end of the last schoolyear, so I seemed to demand an adequate level of ability, this fact giving Moonbin hope he would be able to actually learn this year's choreo, too.

He smiled at the senior. "Thanks. I'm more than happy I didn't make an idiot out of myself."

He could see Minhyuk coming up to them, the towel lazily around his neck. As soon as he was next to Moonbin, he gave him a friendly smack on the shoulder. "I knew my good eye wasn't fooling me. Welcome to our group, now officially."

"Thank you", Moonbin said once more. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sanha putting his water bottle down and returning to his spot in front of the mirror, where the other three boys whose names Moonbin had yet to remember were stretching.

"You're doing a second round?", Moonbin asked and Minhyuk nodded. "Yeah, I thought I could already show everyone the new moves I've been thinking about in the summer holidays."

"Is it a problem if I leave?" Moonbin nervously glanced up to the clock that was placed above the door next to the wall of mirrors. "I have to go to theatre class. Can you show me the moves Monday before class?"

"Sure", Minhyuk answered. "If you don't mind, we could also meet up half an hour ealier after class on Friday and I can show you what you missed the week before."

"That would be awesome", Moonbin responded and a grateful smile decorated his lips. "Sorry for causing inconvenience."

"No problem", Minhyuk reassured him and called after him, while Moonbin was already grabbing his bag and leaving the room: "Good luck with the theatre group!"

"Thanks!", Moonbin quickly turned around while walking and waved at Minhyuk and Jinwoo before the cold air of the hallway hit him. He hadn't even noticed how hot he was feeling and just hoped he wouldn't look like a red tomato now that he had to make a good first impression - again.

The school was almost deserted in those late hours of noon. Not all extracurriclar classes were taking place on Friday, and art history as well as boardgames, over which Moonbin still had to laugh, were in a totally different building. He had always liked being alone in places that usually were busy and full of people. It gave him a sense of the time being stopped, a moment of calmness and beauty. Even the sounds of his steps on the linoleum floor were echoing.

Another look on his watch allowed him to not entirely freak out. He was only a few minutes late, plus he had an excuse. Once again he thanked Myungjun in his mind, because he had showed him the auditorium yesterday so Moonbin wouldn't have to stumble through the hallways like a lost stray cat again. At least he was wearing sport clothes that could also pass as normal clothing, so he didn't have to change.

His throat was dry, so he eagerly raised the water bottle to his lips to take a sip, almost tripping over his own feet while he was running down the stairs. Not paying attention to his surroundings, he was close to missing the last step, jumping over it to prevent falling down. But instead of safely landing on the floor, there was a movement on his left and something that crashed into him, a loud noise and a dumb pain in his right shoulder when he hit the floor.

"Ugh", Moonbin sighed, propping himself on his ellbow in order to stand up again, but his attempt was interrupted by the sight of someone laying next to him. The now empty water bottle was making a high-pitched sound as it rolled on the floor, and to his shock Moonbin noticed he had spilt everything over the other's shirt, causing a big wet stain on the white cloth.

He quickly looked up to apologize to whoever he had just ran into, but was taken aback. Dark eyes full of expression were staring into his, sharp but yet fragile features in a delicate face, surrounded by soft, black strands of hair. His voice was caught in his throat, even though he couldn't fully understand why. Maybe because the boy next to him was the most beautiful person he had ever met in his life.

"Are you okay?", the other asked and a shiver crept up Moonbin's spine at the sound of his voice that was deep and smooth like honey dripping on shattered glass. He hurried to get up, the other boy copying his action, and used those short seconds to regain control over his words.

"Yeah, sure", he answered, awkwardly scratching his neck. As soon as the other was standing again, Moonbin noticed he was slightly taller than him, and his posture seemed familiar in a way Moonbin couldn't yet assign. "I'm sorry", he hastily said, feeling his cheeks heat up. He had to look awful. "I didn't mean to spill water on you. Oh god, I'm so sorry, do you need a tissue?"

The other boy just laughed, a mesmerizing sound to Moonbin's ears. "Don't worry, it will dry quickly. I'll just go to the bathroom and hold it a bit under the dryer."

"Please excuse me", Moonbin bowed deep in order to show his regret and then nodded once again before grabbing his water bottle off the floor and hurrying to get away from whoever it was that he was blushing because of. He didn't miss the smile on the other's face as he tried to run without actually running - why didn't he have Myungjun's ability?

Out of everyone in that school that he could've possibly spilt water on, why did it have to be the most handsome and charming boy? Of course he didn't yet know everyone and would maybe never, but he couldn't imagine anyone looking as beautiful as the boy he had just met. It was like someone had put everything perfect in just one person - how could they expect Moonbin to stay calm, standing in front of him?

He just wanted to hide amongst a few theatre kids and die, so he quickly knocked on the door to the auditorium. As a loud "Come in!" was to be heard, he opened the door and was greeted by several pairs of eyes. The auditorium was almost entirely dark as the curtains of the big windows at the end of the room were closed, except for the light that was illuminating the stage on which a male teacher was sitting, a notebook in his hands. There were approximately twenty students sitting on the seats opposite to the stage.

"I'm sorry I'm late", Moonbin apologized and bowed once more. "I had dance class and the courses are overlapping but I will try my best to be on time from now on."

Suprisingly, he didn't get scolded and didn't even receive an evil glance from his teacher who just quickly introduced himself as Mr Jung before he went on with talking about this year's play. Moonbin, who was glad to have gotten out of this without being embarrassed again, sat down behind all the other students as he didn't yet know anyone of them. Placing his bag on his lap, he put away his water bottle to forget the awkward incident as soon as possible.

Apparently Mr Jung hadn't even properly started the class yet, as he only now began to call out all the students on his list. There were indeed a few names that sounded familiar to Moonbin, but no one he had ever really talked to. When his name was called, he shyly raised his hand.

"Okay ...", Mr Jung checked his list once again, before he looked up and carefully scanned the faces in front of him. "Does anyone know where Dongmin is?"

It seemed like everyone except for Moonbin knew this Dongmin he was talking about, as they all shook their heads. Mr Jung mumbled something inaudible and already looked up to start his class, this time for sure, as a to Moonbin familiar voice said: "I'm here."

The class turned their heads to the door and Moonbin felt like the high ceiling of the auditorium was crashing down on him. Pressing his bag again his chest, he leaned back in his seat as if he hoped it would just become one with him. The black-haired boy from before quickly bowed before casually explaining: "I'm sorry, I've been stopped."

"Kill me, please just kill me ...", Moonbin muttered under his breath, trying to make himself invisible so that the other boy - Dongmin, he corrected himself, Dongmin, he should have known someone as beautiful as him would have to carry a name as beautiful as Dongmin - wouldn't notice he was even there. He knew there wouldn't be a way to avoid Dongmin for the rest of the year, but right now, he didn't want to face him.

His strategy seemed to function, as Dongmin smiled and sat down in the first row after Mr Jung had nodded. Moonbin was still wondering how much could go wrong in one day. Not only was the boy he had stumbled over beautiful and tall and had a mesmerizing smile, but he was also Dongmin, the Dongmin everyone had talked about whenever Moonbin had mentioned the theatre club, as if Dongmin himself was a star everyone should know. Apparently he also had amazing acting skills and damn, how perfect could one person be?

"I don't have much planned for today", Mr Jung announced, taking a look into his notebook. "I thought I'd just give you the script - we will play As You Like It by Shakespeare - and we'll do a few practices in speaking as a warm up. Maybe we'll also play a scene at the end ... it doesn't look like there are too many people so you won't have to audition, but I want you to look at the script over the next week and tell me what role you want to play."

While everyone else was wildly discussing the choice of play - Moonbin didn't really care, he had never read Shakespeare and therefore couldn't really judge -, he was just relieved he wouldn't have to audition. Maybe he wouldn't even have to stand on stage at all for today. He noticed that now, actually seeing the other actors were just as human as him, he didn't feel too intimidated by them anymore, but rather by a certain someone sitting in the first row.

"Alright", Mr Jung interrupted the loud discussion by clapping his hands, "I'd like you to pair up to practice speaking. It seems like we have a lot of younger members in the class this year, so I think it would be the best if someone who hasn't acted that much yet and someone who is experienced go together."

Moonbin made himself as small in his seat as it was anatomically possible for his body. The girls in the row in front of him were already pairing up, and somehow he just hoped everyone would forget him. Okay, even if they were human, he was still uncomfortable.

He couldn't help but feel relieved when he noticed Dongmin talking to another boy in the front row, even though somewhere in the back of his mind he felt disappointment. He didn't quite understand why. It would probably just be awkward between him and Dongmin if they ever talked. From what he had heard until know, Dongmin was on a whole different level in regards of everything, not just his acting.

"Do you already have a partner?", a girly voice next to him suddenly asked and Moonbin looked up, to be greeted by the sincere smile of a petite girl with dark brown hair that was gently flowing over her shoulders. He shook his head and she sat down next to him.

"Hi, I'm Somin", she introduced herself and Moonbin answered: "Moonbin. Nice to meet you."

"It's your first time here, right?", she asked curiously. "I haven't seen you here before. You looked lonely back here."

"Yeah, I've just moved to Seoul", he explained and put his bag down on the floor. "Are you a senior?"

"Yes, sadly", she laughed. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm finally graduating this year, but I'm going to miss this theatre class and just everyone here. I've been acting since my freshman year and as I'm not good enough to go to a drama school, this will probably be my last time standing on a stage for a long time."

Moonbin hadn't expected such an honest statement. "Oh, I bet you're good at it. Don't degrade yourself like that, it's my first time acting and next to me you'll look like you're perfect at acting."

"Then you're like a raw diamond", she laughed. "Don't worry, you'll learn everything you need to know before our performance. So I guess you also don't know any speaking practices?"

Moonbin shook his head again. "Sadly, no."

Somin seemed to think about something, and then she awkwardly laughed. "Okay, to be honest", she began, "I don't know any specific practices for beginners myself. Dongmin is in charge of the warming up before permances, but everyone here already has experience so we only do harder exercises. Maybe it would be better if you practice with someone who actually knows how to do it for your first time."

Before Moonbin could react and tell her it was totally fine and he would be able to learn them at a later time, she had already raised her hand. Mr Jung looked up and asked: "Yes, Somin?"

"Moonbin hasn't acted yet", she said and Moonbin felt himself blush, "so I think it would be better if he gets paired with someone who knows all the practices for beginners."

Mr Jung seemed to think for a moment and then he did what Moonbin had feared since the moment Somin had actually raised her hand. "Hey, Dongmin", he said and Moonbin could see the boy in the front row looking up. "Would you mind switching partners?"

He could see Dongmin shake his head and was ready to sink into his seat and never show up again. Sadly, it wasn't as easy as that - seats weren't keen on becoming one with embarrassed students who wanted to hide, and so Moonbin stayed on the surface, easily able to be seen, especially by Dongmin who was walking up to him.

"Hey Dongmin", Somin said with a happy voice, "How were your holidays?"

"Oh, just the same as every year", Dongmin answered and Moonbin didn't dare to look up. Why were his cheeks so hot? "Yours?"

Somin said something about helping her parents with the shop, and then she was gone and Dongmin was sitting down next to Moonbin, who felt like he would just implode any second. He was searching for something in his bag. Actually, he wasn't searching for anything, but he just didn't want to look Dongmin in the eye.

"See, it's dry now", Dongmin said and Moonbin stopped searching for nothing in his bag to look up confused. Dongmin was pointing at his shirt, and to Moonbin's relief the wet stain had disappeared completely, as if it had never been there. He wanted to apologize again, but Dongmin was quicker.

"I'm Dongmin, by the way", he introducted himself and Moonbin finally looked up, only to be frozen in place by the same eyes he had been looking into a few minutes ago. In the darkness of the auditorium they seemed to be even darker, like melted chocolate. Moonbin choked on his own breath before answering: "M-Moonbin. I'm Moonbin."

"You aren't a senior, are you?", Dongmin asked, leaning back onto the seat. He seemed to be so relaxed, Moonbin would've given a lot to feel like him in this situation. "I've never seen you in any classes."

"No, I'm a junior", he stammered, "and I've also just moved here."

"Where are you from?"

"Busan. My parents got a new job, so we had to move."

Moonbin wasn't able to look away anymore, once he had locked his eyes with Dongmin. There was something in them that drew him to Dongmin, like he was a magnet and Moonbin a helpless piece of metal that couldn't help but drift in his direction. His cheeks were still burning, but with every sentence that spilt out of Dongmin's lips, he felt a bit more confident Dongmin wouldn't hate him for the rest of this schoolyear just because what had happened earlier.

Dongmin was kind, kinder than Moonbin would've expected after everything Jinwoo and Minhyuk had told him. People who were successfull often had an arrogant atmosphere around them, but with Dongmin it seemed to be the opposite case. Everything he said seemed like he had carefully thought about it, and together with his voice it made Moonbin feel something he couldn't quite name.

They did a few speaking practices, most of them consisting of saying the same phrase with different emotions, and it was when Dongmin voiced in an angry tone than he liked cornflakes that Moonbin cracked up and laughed. Dongmin looked at him like that was all he had wanted to achieve, and Moonbin could feel a shiver run down his spine.

After Mr Jung had ended the speaking practice, he handed out the scripts for the play. Moonbin flipped through his, wondering how he should ever memorize even one sentence in this old language.

"First time reading Shakespeare?", Dongmin asked and Moonbin nodded, embarrassed. Dongmin looked like someone who had read all of Shakespeare's works and he somehow didn't want to make Dongmin think he was dumb.

"It's confusing at first, but it's really beautiful", Dongmin explained and wanted to say more, but Mr Jung interrupted him: "Dongmin, would you mind showing us a scene for the last five minutes, so the others know what I want it to look like?"

Whereas Moonbin would've died right then and there if someone had demanded that from him, Dongmin just smiled and stood up, waving at Moonbin like he was saying goodbye. Moonbin felt a little sting in his chest, and caught himself wishing to take Dongmin's hand and drag him back.

But he stopped thinking as soon as Dongmin stood on stage and started talking.

His voice, that was echoing through the auditorium, was numbing every logical piece of mind inside of Moonbin's head; the only thing he could focus on was the way Dongmin's lips moved, the way the words, that were so strange to Moonbin, spilt out of his mouth like he had never done anything else, the way his eyes sparkled and Moonbin's heart stopped that one moment Dongmin looked at him while reciting Shakespeare.

Moonbin couldn't even recall a word Dongmin had said when the lights went out, everyone clapped and the teacher dismissed them for today. Somin and some other people were running up to Dongmin and talking to him, and Moonbin felt so captivated by what he had just witnessed that it was hard for him to even breathe.

Grabbing his bag and leaving the auditorium, he only felt the hotness of his face when he was greeted by the cold air of September evenings outside. The only thing he was sure of for this day was that Dongmin had to be, he just had to be, the most beautiful person Moonbin had ever met.

\------------------------------

"I can't believe I'm doing this", Moonbin muttered to himself while stuffing his mouth with cheese crackers. "I have to be crazy."

Talking to himself was something Moonbin had become used to during the last years - it was a coping mechanism for everything Moonbin couldn't really process. And sitting on his bed in pajamas, cuddled into a blanket, a bowl of crackers on his left and his laptop, the display showing a movie Dongmin was playing in, on his lap was a situation that definitely needed some self-talk.

He didn't know why he was even doing this. On Friday evening, still mildly disturbed by Dongmin's perfection, he had texted Minhyuk, telling him about their awkward encounter and the theatre club in general. The strange attraction he felt towards Dongmin was the only thing Moonbin hadn't mentioned - he didn't know what Minhyuk's opinion on something like this was or if he wasn't just imagining things in the first place.

So he's really that good?

Hey, you and Jinwoo were the ones that told me he was a great actor!

Yeah but I've never seen him act

Jinwoo said he was in some movies

do you by any chance know what movies?

haha why do you want to copy his talent or what?

pff I just want to know how he manages to act so good. it never hurts to check out the strategies of others

If Moonbin was entirely honest with himself, he didn't want to watch Dongmin act in order to improve his own acting talents. Probably he didn't even possess any talent at all. The main reason to watch Dongmin act was, well, to watch him act. Moonbin was, even after twenty-four hours, still mesmerized by the way Dongmin had spoken and moved on stage, and he was kind of sad he hadn't gotten the chance to tell him how awesome he had been. It was his obligation to watch Dongmin's movies after having seen him act like this, wasn't it?

He had secretly felt like a fangirl when he had looked for the movies Minhyuk had texted him, to Moonbin's more or less surprise also a few pretty famous ones that he just hadn't seen yet. His playlist now counted 13 movies he had been able to find without illegal downloads, and he was proud of himself. Not so proud for kind of stalking Dongmin, but would he really feel insulted if he ever found out Moonbin was fan enough to watch his movies?

Moonbin rather feared his own reaction as soon as he would see Dongmin on screen, as he started the first movie, shoving as many crackers into his mouth as he could manage. He didn't know anything about Dongmin except for his name, that he was a senior, extremely talented and kind. And still, every fiber of his body seemed to react as soon as Dongmin appeared - thirty-two minutes into the movie, to be specific. He didn't have a lead role, but Moonbin was grateful for that, because he almost coughed up all the crackers when Dongmin started speaking. With dimmed lights on his computer screen, his skin looked like silk and Moonbin was once again focused on his eyes. There was something about Dongmin's eyes he couldn't quite understand. On the other side, there were a lot of things about Dongmin still unknown to him.

A few hours and two bowls of crackers later, Moonbin was staring up his ceiling, biting on his lip like that action would give him an answer. He felt excited, a bubbly feeling in his stomach, since he had watched Dongmin act. When he had laughed, Moonbin had had to laugh, and when he had cried, Moonbin had felt something deep inside his chest. He knew it was just acting, but it still got him.

He didn't regret watching the movies until Monday morning, when he was standing in front of the school and asking himself what he would say to Dongmin if he met him this week. Of course he wouldn't tell him how he had spent his weekend, but he still was nervous. Maybe because Dongmin was perfect and Moonbin, well, he wasn't.

His worries were unfounded - he didn't meet Dongmin this week. Whenever he walked to his classroom after the short breaks between periods, he looked for a strand of Dongmin's black hair somewhere in between all the students, but he was never there. Dongmin probably had classes in a totally different building. Moonbin didn't want to ask Minhyuk or Sanha, because it would've been embarrassing to let them know he was so obsessed with seeing Dongmin again. He wouldn't have known how to explain it, anyway. In the lunch break, he threw quick glances over his plate every now and then, but Dongmin was never in sight.

Even in class, when he was staring out the window, he hoped to see his tall figure on the schoolyard. Maybe it had also been Dongmin he had seen a week earlier, judging by the posture and hair of the figure he had seen, and also the excited giggles of the girls. Most time he heard girls giggling that week, it was because of himself. Minhyuk didn't grow tired of mocking him because of that, like he hoped Moonbin would make a comment about it, but he never did.

When Friday afternoon got closer and closer, Moonbin began to feel anxious. It wasn't like there was any reason to be. He didn't understand it himself, why he went to the bathroom and nervously checked if his hair was looking alright or if his tie wasn't too loose to look like he was careless.

"Morning, guys", Mr Jung greeted them when everyone was already sitting. Moonbin had sat down on the same seat as last time, in the back, where no one would possibly see him if they didn't look close enough. He had been a bit later, as usual, so he was only now looking for the boy he had been unconsciously searching all week. A head with dark hair in the front row told him where he was. Moonbin breathed out all the air he had been holding in. Although he had been waiting to see Dongmin, he was relieved Dongmin hadn't yet seen him.

"Today, I want you all to write down the part you'd like to play, and then I want you to act out a scene where this character has text, so I can see who is suited for which role."

Moonbin had read the script over the span of the last week, and still wasn't quite sure which role he'd like to play. Furthermore, he didn't know which role was appropriate for him - wouldn't it seem arrogant if he demanded a lead role even though it was his first time? Cross that, he would never apply for a lead role anyways. He knew what the play was about and what characters there were, but he still didn't know what he should write down.

Everyone was already standing and writing down their names and wishes on a paper on the stage. There was loud chatting and Moonbin could see Dongmin talking to Somin right after he had written his name down. Moonbin swallowed, putting his bag down and standing up. Cautiously, he walked up to the stage and waited until it was his turn.

Dongmin was sitting on the edge of the stage, long legs dangling in the air. He wasn't looking at Moonbin, and yet Moonbin felt like he had to focus on him. With every second he spent around Dongmin, his confusion grew. He had never experienced anything like that - he didn't know Dongmin and still, he couldn't stop thinking about him and what he possibly thought about Moonbin himself.

There were several names on the list when Moonbin finally got a hold of it. Somin apparently applied for the role of Rosalind, which was the female lead, while Dongmin ... wanted to play Orlando.

For once in his life Moonbin was actually more than glad to have read a theatre script. He knew what type of character Orlando was, and what signifiance he had for the story. It was the male lead, as expected, and unconsciously, Moonbin thought about who Orlando would interact with most.

Before he could think about it twice, he wrote down Moon Bin - Jaques. It wasn't the role with the most text, but Jacques developed a sense of deep friendship towards Orlando through the story and Moonbin remembered them having many scenes together.

He didn't think about how many lines he would have to learn, that he probably wouldn't even get that role or that he was most definitely overwhelming himself. His number one criteria was if he would be on stage together with Dongmin.

"Hey", a voice said when he had already sat down again and was waiting for Mr Jung to carry on with his instructions. Moonbin looked up and saw Dongmin standing next to him. Other than last week, he wasn't wearing his blazer over his shirt and Moonbin's mouth became dry at the sight of his rolled-up sleeves.

"Hey", he answered and hurried to put his bag from the seat next to him on the floor so Dongmin could sit down. "What role did you apply for?", he asked as if he hadn't chosen his own because of Dongmin's.

"Orlando." Dongmin smiled, and Moonbin felt like the sun had just risen. "I don't know if it'll be accepted but I really hope so."

Moonbin wanted to tell him that he didn't have to worry because he had seen how talented Dongmin was in all his movies, but instead, he said: "I've seen you act last week. If you don't get that role, no one will."

Dongmin smiled, a trace of gratefulness on his lips. "But now I'm curious, who do you want to play?" Moonbin couldn't help but blush under his glance. Dongmin wanted to know something about him, and even if it was just a sign of politeness to ask him after he had asked, Moonbin still felt warm inside.

"Jaques", he managed to say and quickly added: "I mean, I've never acted and probably I won't even get the role and I should have applied for another, smaller character but I just wanted ..." ... to have a lot of scenes together with you.

"Hey, I'm sure you'll get the role", Dongmin reassured him as he noticed how nervous Moonbin seemed to be. "If we have to enact a scene in a few minutes, do you want to do one together?"

Moonbin couldn't believe Dongmin was offering him to act together. Did Dongmin know how many levels of talent and experience were between them? Moonbin would just drag Dongmin down if he stood next to him on stage without practicing beforehand, but Dongmin didn't seem to care. There was hope and trust in his eyes when Moonbin looked into them, and so he conquered his self-consciousness and answered: "Okay."

Dongmin chose a part of a scene that was rather short. He seemed to know the script by heart - either he had known it beforehand or he just had a really good memory, Moonbin wondered. Dongmin told him the page and Moonbin anxiously began to read his lines, thinking about how he could possibly act them out.

There were a few students on the stage before them, and Moonbin's worries grew bigger with every second passing. He didn't really care what the others or Mr Jung thought about him, but he wanted to impress Dongmin. He would never be able to play as good as Dongmin himself, he knew that and he didn't want to be better than him anyway, but he also didn't want to make the impression he couldn't even say a sentence on stage without looking like a fool.

"Next ... Orlando, Jaques?", Mr Jung looked up from the list and Dongmin raised his hand. "Yes. We're playing a part out of act three, scene two."

Mr Jung nodded approvingly, and Moonbin needed a moment to stand up and follow Dongmin because his legs felt like rubber. Right now, he was second guessing every choice he had ever made that had led to him having to do this right now. Regarding it was a chance to get to know Dongmin, it seemed like a reasonable sacrifice, but still.

Moonbin awkwardly cleared his throat as he stepped up the little staircase leading to the stage. Up here, it was incredibly hot, as the light illuminating the scenery caused the air to warm up by at least a few degrees. Moonbin's mouth felt dryer than ever before, as the other students stopped speaking and instead focused on him and Dongmin, who was standing a few feet away from him.

There was a moment of silence, until Moonbin noticed he was the one who had to start. Pressing his lips together, he looked onto his script.

"I thank you for your company, but, good faith, I had as lief have been myself alone", he said, taking a step in Dongmin's direction because it seemed like the right thing to do.

"And so had I", Dongmin answered, eyes in shadows under his bangs, "but yet for fashion sake I thank you too for your society."

"God buy you, let's meet as little as we can", Moonbin responded and tried to give his voice the little annoyed and scornful touch that Jaques seemed to have.

"I do desire we may be better strangers." Moonbin could just see the way Dongmin's lips were pressed together, and the way his stomach seemed to turn around confused him.

"I pray you mar no more trees with writing love-songs in their barks."

"I pray you mar no more of my verses with reading them ill-favoredly."

Moonbin raised his eyebrows. "Rosalind is your love's name?"

"Yes, just." Dongmin's expression seemed to soften, but he still looked at Moonbin.

"I do not like her name", Moonbin snorted.

"There was no thought of pleasing you when she was christen'd."

"What stature is she of?"

"Just as high as my heart."

"You are full of pretty answers", Moonbin responded, "have you not been acquainted with goldsmiths' wives, and conn'd them out of rings?

"Not so; but I answer you right painted cloth, from whence you have studied your questions."

"You have a nimble wit; I think 'twas made of Atalanta's heels. Will you sit down with me? And we two will rail against our mistress the world, and all our misery."

Noticing they should probably sit down, Moonbin let himself sink onto the floor, his legs over the edge of the stage. The light was blinding him as he patted onto the spot next to him.

Dongmin sat down, too, and announced: "I will chide no breather in the world but myself, against whom I know most faults."

Moonbin let his glance rest on the script for a few seconds, reading the sentence a second time, before he looked up at Dongmin and said: "The worst fault you have is to be in love."

Dongmin looked at him, too, a second longer than they probably would've needed to look at each other to end the scene, until the sound of applause could be heard. Moonbin hurried to stand up again, his cheeks burning with embarrassment, and copied Dongmin's action of slightly bowing before leaving the stage. Mr Jung thanked them and was already calling up the next few people as they were walking back to their seats.

"You were great", Dongmin complimented him and his smile looked so sincere Moonbin didn't dare to contradict. "Thank you", he instead said and was relieved to notice the last row was so badly illuminated Dongmin wouldn't be able to see him blushing. "I thought I'd just die on that stage."

"It needs a bit of willpower at the beginning but you get used to it", Dongmin answered and Moonbin could feel his glance on him for a moment before he offered: "If you're really afraid of acting on stage, I can teach you a few tricks."

"Are you ... serious?", Moonbin asked with dry lips. "I ... I don't want to cause you any inconvenience."

"Of course. We'll have to practice together anyway if you play Jaques and I'm sure you'll get the part." Dongmin smiled. "I'm not really a professional, but I know a few techniques to calm down before going on stage, or how to speak clearly and loud."

Not a professional? If anyone was a professional, then Dongmin, that was a thing Moonbin was more than sure of. But he was still too surprised about his offer to say anything about his talent.

"That would be ..." He swallowed. "I'd be really grateful if you could teach me, Dongmin-hyung."

Dongmin seemed to be taken aback by Moonbin saying his name, additonally using the polite ending. He stared a moment at the younger, who felt like he was going to melt under his glance, until he said: "No problem."

\------------------------

"Someone is going to visit later."

Moonbin had waited Friday evening and even Saturday morning to tell his parents Dongmin would come over to practice. Because no matter how strict his parents were with him, they would never dare to embarrass themselves in front of strangers; he hoped it would be way too rude for their liking to make him cancel at short notice.

Nevertheless he felt fear creep up his spine as the sounds of his parents eating stopped. He was so happy Dongmin would visit that he didn't even dare to think about the possibility of declining it. All night he had lied awake, staring out the window next to his bed, like an answer to the question why he felt so at home around him would magically appear between the clouds.

"Someone?", his father asked and Moonbin didn't dare to look up. He just nodded and answered: "It's someone from the theatre club. He's really talented and wanted to show me a few tricks so I can be successfull with my performance. His name is Lee Dongmin."

"He?", his father asked with emotionless voice. "A boy?"

Moonbin bit on his lip, staring at his plate in front of him. "Yes."

"Stand up."

Moonbin's legs were shivering when he got up, knowing well enough what would follow. Nothing had changed, nothing would ever change with his parents. Not a city, and not a new life would change anything. He had grown used to it, the way they treated him, but he would never get used to his father's hate against him.

"Why did you have to be like this?", he asked, his eyes burning with anger. If Moonbin didn't have anything from his mother, he sure as hell didn't have anything from his father either. "Why a boy? Why always a boy?"

The sound of the slap was lounder in his ears than what he had expected. He needed all his will in order not to fall on the floor, but instead held his head low, his legs shaking like crazy. His father sat down again, like nothing had just happened, like he always did. Like Moonbin wasn't even worth another glance.

Moonbin sat down again, too. He ate like nothing had happened. When he parents were done, he took their plates and put them in the dishwasher. He cleaned up the table, and then asked if he was allowed to go upstairs. He was.

Why a boy? Moonbin closed the door of his room behind him, slowing walking towards his bed as his legs felt like they wouldn't carry him any further.

Why always a boy? He opened his bag and took out the script, re-reading the scenes he and Dongmin would go over later.

Why?, he could hear his father shout, Why can't you be normal for once? It's sick! Sick! You're not our son! We haven't raised you to be like this! Why did you have to like boys?! Why can't you just bring a girl home? Why are you always causing inconvenience for us? Why?

Why?

\--------------------

Moonbin didn't know how much time had passed when he finally heard the doorbell. He felt bad for Dongmin, that he had to enter a house he clearly wasn't welcome in, but he would do his best to not let him notice.

Wiping the few frozen tears off his cheeks, he stood up and made his way to the front door. Like expected, his parents had disappeared into their room or the living room, Moonbin didn't care as long as they would leave Dongmin alone. Running down the staircase, he quickly checked his face for any prominent injures or tearstains, but wasn't able to feel anything. Only when his hand was already on the doorknob, he thought about the redness of his cheek that was maybe showing, but decided he would just make up an excuse.

"Hey", Dongmin greeted him as soon as he had opened the door and once again, Moonbin was absolutely paralyzed, from head to toe, by how beautiful Dongmin looked. It wasn't even his handsomeness, but just that ethernal beauty. Without the school uniform, Moonbin was finally able to see his fashion style, too - Dongmin seemed like someone to dress casually, as he was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a white turtleneck and a black jacket, but he still looked too good to be real.

"Hey", Moonbin responded and stepped to the side. His smile wasn't fake. Seeing Dongmin made it worth that the left side of his face was hurting. He noticed the cold air coming in from outside, and asked: "Are you cold? Do you want something hot to drink?"

Dongmin smiled gratefully while taking off his shoes. "That would be awesome."

Moonbin told him the directions to his room and then went to the kitchen. Heating up milk in the microwave and putting in a bit of cocoa powder, he also prepared a few cookies on a plate. When he entered his room a few minutes later, Dongmin was sitting on the edge of his bed like he hadn't dared to intervene any further into Moonbin's personal space.

It was so cute Moonbin almost dropped everything. "You ... you can sit on my bed, no problem", he hurried to explain and Dongmin smiled and moved back on the bed to sit comfortably.

"Here", Moonbin handed him the drink, "take care, it's hot. A-And I thought that maybe you would also like cookies, so, well ..." He placed them on his desk before sitting down himself.

"Thank you." Dongmin took a sip of his cocoa and Moonbin couldn't help but observe the way his lips wrapped around the mug. At this rate, the redness of his cheek definitely wouldn't be visible if he was glowing like a christmas tree. He looked away again.

"Your room is nice", Dongmin complimented and looked around interested. Moonbin laughed. "You think so? It's a little bit boring, isn't it?"

"Not if you like it." Dongmin turned his head and looked at Moonbin, who felt like dying under his glance. "W-Well, I like things that are clean. And white is a beautiful colour."

He tried not to look at Dongmin's pullover. Additionally, Dongmin probably looked good in everything. Clearing his throat, he stood up and sat down on his chair, looking into his script.

"So, what scenes do we want to practice?"

Two hours later Moonbin was sure there was something about Dongmin he couldn't quite explain, but only feel. They had started with the scene they had enacted on Friday, and while Dongmin gave him advice on what parts of the sentence he should try to emphasize, how his facial expression should be or what to do with his hands while speaking, Moonbin couldn't take his eyes off Dongmin. He wasn't sure if it was the way he spoke to him, like they'd already known each other for years, or the way his eyes seemed to darken a bit more whenever he looked up under his bangs, but it made him catch his breath to a point where he was sure Dongmin could easily be the cause of his death.

Scenes Moonbin hadn't yet acted out were proved to be a lot more difficult, but Dongmin didn't lose patience. While it took more than a few attempts for Moonbin to carry out his advice, he always carefully followed every single one of his actions in order to give him feedback. Moonbin didn't know how to thank him. Apart from the fact he was at a loss for words around Dongmin in general.

They sat on the floor of Moonbin's room, eating the cookies Moonbin had prepared and drinking the cocoa that was now more cold than warm, but Moonbin didn't care. It felt way too warm in his room anyways, now that Dongmin was so close to him. He was telling Moonbin stories about his own experiences at the theatre.

"What's the most demanding scene you ever had to play?", Moonbin asked. He couldn't get enough of Dongmin's voice, the way he was choosing his words so carefully before they actually left his mouth.

Dongmin thought for a while before a smile began to decorate his lips. "It was for a movie", Dongmin said. "That makes it generally easier ... no matter how many times you mess up, you can always re-do it", he started to explain. "But it was still demanding. Everything concerning a lot of emotions is always hard to convey ... especially everything with skinship."

He laughed at Moonbin's surprised look. "What?"

"It's just that ..." Moonbin hesitated. "I wouldn't think it's a problem for you."

"It's not really a problem", Dongmin answered. "You need to overcome a barrier, it's like an unwritten contract between you and the other person that it's okay for the sake of acting and ... well, that's it."

"So are you okay with everything?" Moonbin didn't know how to pose his questions. He didn't even know why he wanted to find out whether Dongmin had already kissed someone on set or not, or if he wanted to.

Dongmin smiled. "Everything? No. As far as normal skinship goes, it's okay, but kissing and everything else is something I would be too ashamed to do", he laughed. Moonbin rotated the mug in his hands. "So what was the closest thing you've ever done?"

Dongmin thought about it for a moment, and then he suddenly turned around and his hand was against Moonbin's cheek who felt like he would drop his mug any second and the cocoa would spill over the floor. He didn't know if they had been so close the whole time or if it just seemed like it right now that Dongmin's fingers were against his temple, gently brushing away a strand of hair. He could've sworn Dongmin was so close he could feel his breath on his own lips, and smell his scent that was sweet but bitter at the same time.

For a moment, Moonbin could just stare at Dongmin whose eyes were so incredibly dark. The next second, his fingers were pressed against his cheek and Moonbin was harshly dragged bag into reality.

"Ouch", he couldn't help but say and Dongmin's fingers immediately vanished. His cheek felt cold again.

"I'm sorry, Binnie", Dongmin said. "Talking about unwritten contract. Are you okay? What's with your cheek?"

"No, no, no it's okay", Moonbin hurried to say even though nothing was okay. "It's just ... I fell down the stairs earlier so it's a bit sore."

It was the first time in his life Moonbin was happy that his father had slapped him in the face. If it wasn't for the sudden pain in his cheek, Moonbin couldn't have guaranteed he wouldn't have just kissed Dongmin. His lips, now decorated with a smile, were all Moonbin could think about that night when he was trying to sleep, and all the other nights that followed. His lips and that nickname that sounded like it was meant to be said by Dongmin and nobody else.

Dongmin didn't know it was the moment Moonbin fell in love with him - with everything about him, every little detail he didn't even know himself.

\----------------------

Autumn passed quicker than Moonbin would've liked it to pass. It was his favorite time of the year. He liked wearing scarfs and handgloves, drinking hot cocoa and cuddling in blankets. He even liked staying in school longer and leaving when it was already dark and his breath formed little white clouds in the cold air.

Dancing class became one of his favorite times of the week. In contrast to his initial fear of being too bad to keep up with the others, he was now able to learn the moves pretty fast. They ate lunch together every day, either in the cafeteria or at the pizza place in the city; but those lunch breaks became rarer as the weather got colder. Minhyuk would sacrifice the second half of his break to show Moonbin all the new moves he had missed the week before.

Moonbin also met up with Minhyuk a lot out of school. Minhyuk was always keen on spending time with him, and it made him feel special, like he had actually found a friend that liked him. Minhyuk's parents were nice - they were like an older version of Minhyuk, especially his mother, who looked just like a female clone of him.

Moonbin gave up on counting the afternoons they spent at Minhyuk's, as he possessed an intimidating collection of video games and movies. They talked about everything, except Dongmin and Moonbin's parents. Minhyuk didn't mind, maybe he didn't even notice Moonbin avoiding those topics; or he was just really considerate. And Moonbin was grateful; considering he had to make up an excuse whenever he left the house, he didn't want to talk about home as soon as he had left.

Moonbin made sure Dongmin didn't visit again. It was just too much pressure on him, and he didn't want him to notice something wasn't right between Moonbin and his parents. He always made up excuses to stay out longer, as he met up with Dongmin at the park or his home.

Dongmin's parents were sweethearts just like their son and Moonbin couldn't help but feel the sting in his heart; he had always desired parents like Dongmin's. His mother brought them freshly baked pastry and drinks while they were revising their scenes.

Moonbin had, surprisingly, gotten the role of Jaques, so he and Dongmin made sure to meet up whenever there was time. Sometimes they would also go watch a movie or to the mall. The butterflies in Moonbin's stomach were growing with every second he spent with Dongmin. Had he been in love with him only a week after the holidays, he felt like it was eating him alive a few weeks later.

Dongmin always made sure to tell Moonbin how much he had improved; and Moonbin himself felt a lot more confident now in his acting than he had in the beginning. The schoolplay would talk place the end of March, so there were still three months left to practice. Next to the busy daily life of school, theatre had become a place to feel at home for Moonbin - maybe also because of Dongmin.

When his feelings had increased this much, he didn't know. He tried to hide the fact he was meeting Dongmin, even as a friend, from his parents, while he was trying to hide his feelings from Dongmin himself. But that also got harder over time - it only needed a touch of Dongmin's fingertips on his skin to make him blush a hundred shades darker and paralyze his tongue so he wasn't able to tell a coherent sentence anymore.

He didn't know if Minhyuk, Sanha, Jinwoo or Myungjun were able to guess that he was spending so much time with Dongmin. They had only seen them together one or two times in the city, and while Minhyuk had seemed to be hurt, maybe because Moonbin hadn't told him he was so close to Dongmin, Myungjun and the others had just seemed confused. They never asked him actively about his relation to Dongmin; and Moonbin was relieved, because he wouldn't have known what to answer.

"I won't be home over Christmas", Dongmin told Moonbin when they were sitting in the auditorium Friday before the winter holidays after everyone else had left. Moonbin had a love-hate relationship with being alone with Dongmin - on one hand, he always hoped for Dongmin to initiate something, something, while on the other hand, he was just overwhelmed by his presence alone.

"Oh", Moonbin couldn't completely hide the disappointment in his voice. In his dreams he had been cuddling with Dongmin under a big blanket over the holidays; but he had known since the beginning that this would just stay a dream. Dongmin was into skinship, but Moonbin wasn't his boyfriend, even though he would've given everything to be.

"I'll stay with my grandparents", Dongmin explained, looking over at Moonbin. "What are you going to do?"

"I planned on spending a few days with Minhyuk", Moonbin answered, which was true. He planned on lying to his parents either that Minhyuk was a girl or that he would have to go to school for private tutoring. His grades in science really weren't that good after all.

They talked about Dongmin's grandparents for a bit, but Moonbin couldn't stop thinking about the idea that had manifested itself over the last week. He was always looking forward to Friday and hours with Dongmin, and spent the nights laying awake, dreaming how it would feel to touch him. The incredulous idea of confessing his feelings had become clearer and clearer over the last few days, and now it was a red glowing sign inside his mind that he couldn't get rid of.

He sat there, staring at Dongmin as he was talking, at his lips moving, until Dongmin awakened him out of his trance: "I have something for you."

Moonbin raised his head like he had been trapped in a dream. "You ... what?"

"I have something for you", Dongmin repeated and reached inside his bag, only to pull out a white envelope. Moonbin's heart seemed to stop beating.

"I ... oh god, I have ..." Moonbin's voice was full of fear and regret as he looked at the letter in his hand, until he got a hold of himself and suddenly said: "Thank you. I ... I also have something for you."

What am I thinking? Dongmin was looking at him, waiting for what he was going to say, but as confident as Moonbin had felt earlier, he felt miserable in this very moment. What if he confessed but Dongmin didn't like him back and they would never talk again? What if he confessed and Dongmin would just leave and Moonbin wouldn't hear a single word from him over the two weeks of holidays? That could as well be a ticket to death for Moonbin. He had become addicted to Dongmin like he was a sugary drug Moonbin couldn't get enough of, and he wouldn't be so dumb and set that at risk for the sake of his feelings.

"C-Can I give it to you after the holidays?", he managed to stammer, his voice weak. Dongmin just shot him a smile - the same sincere and beautiful smile he had fallen in love with several weeks ago.

"Sure", he answered and stood up. A glance to the clock told Moonbin it was time to leave, or else it would get too dark to see anything outside. He wanted to grab Dongmin's hand, like he always wanted to, he wanted to ask him to stay, but that wasn't his right, had never been his right.

"See you after the holidays", Dongmin said after a quick hug that seemed to leave Moonbin without any air in his lungs, before he left, Moonbin staring after him.

"See you after the holidays, Dongmin."

\-----------------------

As soon as Moonbin was back in his room, he laid down the envelope on the desk and took a step back like it was some poisonous snake that would kill him if he didn't take caution. The paper had felt like it was burning his hand on his way home, as he had pressed it against his chest to shield it from the rain. The edges were wet, but it wasn't destroyed. Why he hadn't packed it into his bag was another question. Maybe he just hadn't wanted to let it leave the tips of his fingers. He felt like it was a piece of Dongmin that was now laying on the surface of his wooden desk. And he didn't know if he was ready to look at it yet.

He managed to ignore the letter until he had eaten, brushed his teeth and was in his pajamas. Then, he took the envelope off his desk and lied down under his covers, although he surely wouldn't be able to sleep any soon as the adrenaline was rushing through his veins.

He knew what he secretly hoped to read: A confession that Dongmin liked him, that he dreamt about him how Moonbin did about Dongmin, that he wanted to hold his hand and kiss him just like Moonbin imagined it in his dreams.

Moonbin never knew if Dongmin was just doing a lot of skinship with him because it was his personality or because he liked him. He always hugged him when they saw each other, sometimes took Moonbin's hands in his own when they were cold and fixed his bangs just like he had that fateful night at the beginning of the schoolyear. How much seemed to have happened since then, but nothing that would've significantly changed their relationship, at least not as significantly as Moonbin would've wished.

His heart was hopeful even though he told himself he shouldn't hope for anything in order not to be disappointed when he opened the letter. It was clearly Dongmin's handwriting - he always wanted it to look pleasing for the eye, but was just in a hurry to get the words down on the paper.

Merry Christmas, Binnie!

I hope you accept this as a gift - I've always liked letters and what they can convey, and I have gotten to know you as a person that is very fond of words, even though you're shy sometimes.

I am truly happy that I've met you. I can't imagine what the last few months would've been without you. The thought that I'll graduate in six months and leave you at this school makes me sad.

You were so scared of acting when you first stood on the stage, and I'm so proud of you, now that I see how much you've improved (even if we spend more time with eating and talking whenever we meet rather than actually practicing!).

I'm so glad that I've met you, Binnie. You've become the best friend I can imagine and I'm grateful that I can always talk to you. If there is anything that bothers you, please know I'm always there for you.

I hope our friendship will blossom out next year, too!

Your best friend,

Dongmin

Moonbin tried not to cry, but he still did. He tried to tell himself he cried because of how grateful he was to have Dongmin as his friend, but he knew with every fiber of his body that was a lie.

His parents had taught him it was a bad thing to tell a lie. But a lie was all that Moonbin could do that night in order not to break.

\-------------------------

"Would you be happy if I gave you flowers?", Moonbin asked Minhyuk on Saturday when they were casually strolling through the mall - originally to buy a new game that Minhyuk had saved all his money of the last two months for.

But somehow they had ended up in front of a flower shop, one that Moonbin had passed a lot of times whenever he had been at the mall with the others, but he had never particularly paid attention to it. Now it were the bright red flower bouquets, still in the style of Christmas, that were displayed in front of the store that drew his attention to the possibility of buying one.

"Hm?", Minhyuk asked, taking a sip of his milkshake. Moonbin still wondered how he could drink something so cold when it was freezing outside. "Why would you want to give me flowers?"

"Because I want to make you happy", Moonbin answered truthfully, not mentioning the person he truly thought about was Dongmin. He didn't see the blush that crept on Minhyuk's cheeks, who tried to hide it by strategically positioning his scarf over his face so that his voice was almost inaudible. "Well, y-yeah, sure. Flowers are a nice gift."

"Okay", Moonbin answered. "Just needed to know that for eventual future ideas."

"What future ideas in particular?", Minhyuk asked and followed Moonbin who had already begun walking again.

"Oh, just ... nothing." Moonbin trusted Minhyuk, but he felt like it wouldn't be a good idea to confess his feelings for Dongmin to him. Instead, he asked: "Do you know by any chance where the classrooms of the seniors are?"

Again, the disappointment in Minhyuk's voice went unnoticed by Moonbin. "I think they're on the first floor in the east building but I'm not sure." He didn't ask Moonbin anything else this time, just quietly drinking his cold milkshake that was so numbingly cold Minhyuk hoped it would numb a few other things inside his chest, too.

They spent the afternoon playing Minhyuk's new video game, even though Moonbin noticed something was up with his friend, but he just denied everytime Moonbin asked him if something was wrong. At some point, Moonbin gave up and focused on his own thoughts instead. The idea to give Dongmin flowers had only developed over the last few hours, but it didn't seem like a bad idea to him. If Dongmin didn't like him the same way Moonbin liked Dongmin, that didn't mean he wouldn't in the future, right?

Moonbin told himself to hold onto the straw that was so far away. But he knew, even if Dongmin would never like him back, he wouldn't be able to end their friendship. It wouldn't be fair, it wasn't like Dongmin chose who he fell in love with. Moonbin would just show him how much he meant to him and hope Dongmin would get the clue.

It was the first day after the winter holidays that a junior with messy hair and quick breath stopped by the seniors' classroom. Immediately, every glance was on him.

"Is Lee Dongmin in this class?", he asked and saw a figure in the back of the classroom stand up. He took a step back and waited until Dongmin had actually closed the door behind him so they were standing alone in the hallway.

"Bin", Dongmin said and Moonbin didn't fail to notice that his hair was a little bit different than before the holidays. He chose not to say anything about it, as Dongmin may have found it creepy, and instead said: "Hey."

Dongmin hugged him silently, and Moonbin felt what he had missed the past two weeks. The feeling of Dongmin's hair against his neck or his breath on Moonbin's ear - little things he would maybe never notice if he didn't have such strong feelings for him. He tried to stay in Dongmin's arms just a second longer than he normally would, a smile spreading on his face.

"Are you okay?", Dongmin asked, a slight worry on his face. "You look like you're out of breath."

"I ran here", Moonbin hurried to explain. "I just wanted to ask you ... what your favorite flowers are."

Standing in that hallway, with Dongmin just a few centimeters away from him, Moonbin thought about how easy it could be. How easily he could just lay his hands on Dongmin's shoulders and touch his lips with his own. But it was something like standing up in the middle of class and screaming, or purpously dropping something that would shatter - it was possible, but impossible at the same time. There was nothing physical acting against it, but a way bigger barrier inside Moonbin's head.

"My favorite flowers?", Dongmin laughed. "Bin, are you really okay?"

Now Moonbin himself had to laugh. "Y-Yeah. It's really important, so I didn't want to text you."

They had exchanged various text massages over the past two weeks, just like him and Seungjun, mostly about Moonbin thanking Dongmin for his letter, even though it broke his heart to even think about it, or Dongmin's grandparents that apparently thought he was way too thin for his own good. Moonbin had thought about asking him in a text, but it had never been the right moment.

"I ..." Dongmin seemed speechless for a few seconds, and then he smiled, making a flower bloom in Moonbin's heart. "Forget-me-not. I think forget-me-not are my favorite flowers."

Moonbin beamed back at him. "Okay. Thank you."

"Hey!", Dongmin called out as he was already running away again, "Why did you want to know that?"

Moonbin stopped just around the corner, the yellow beanie on his head slightly lower on one side. "You'll see."

\---------------------------------

Moonbin made it his own special mission to give a bunch of forget-me-not to Dongmin every Friday when they met for theatre class. Minhyuk was the first to notice the blue bouquet in Moonbin's bag the first Friday after the holidays. After they had danced and were thirstily opening their water bottles, he asked: "What kind of flowers are those?"

"Forget-me-not", Moonbin answered. He watched Minhyuk as he looked at them once again, but he didn't ask who they were for. Moonbin wondered why, but felt relieved. He didn't know how he should've explained that he was trying to make Dongmin notice he liked him.

The rest of dance class passed without any further incidents, and Moonbin was more than excited when he finally got out and ran to the auditorium. Other than the first few weeks, Dongmin now sat next to him, and Moonbin carefully hid the flowers beneath his jacket.

They enacted a few scenes that still needed finishing touches. Now, two and a half months before the performance, everything big was done. The only things they still had to worry about were costumes and background, but the art classes and Mr Jung would take care of that. Moonbin found himself with yet again time to stare at Dongmin - a thing he never got tired of.

Theatre class had, together with dance class, become his favorite time of the week, except for the rare moments Somin would walk up to them and talk to Dongmin. Moonbin had discovered they were apparently really good friends, but couldn't help but feel jealous whenever he heard her laugh. Somin was beautiful, too beautiful for Dongmin not to be interested in her if he was into girls. If?

It was only after class, when everybody had already left and Dongmin and him were laying on the stage like they always did, staring up the ceiling that seemed so high above them, that Moonbin said: "I have something for you."

"What?", Dongmin asked, surprise in his voice. Moonbin laughed, although he was feeling incredibly anxious. "I still owe you something for that letter, or did you already forget?"

He couldn't tell if Dongmin had already expected flowers after Moonbin had interviewed him about them on Monday, but the smile on his lips when Moonbin took the bouquet out of his bag was so sincere and happy that Moonbin felt like crying. He felt his eyes get wet as Dongmin held the flowers like they were something fragile, smelling them.

"Do you like them?"

"I love them."

I love you.

Every Friday morning, he would hurry to leave the house early to be able to run to the mall, buy a bouquet of forget-me-not and get back in time for his first period. He didn't spend his pocket money, a sadly small amount of coins, anyway, so he didn't care about that. His parents never noticed anything strange, as they usually weren't at home when Moonbin woke up and he never brought the bouquets back home.

Minhyuk and Sanha gave him strange glances whenever he turned up with yet another bunch of flowers. They had figured out it had to be about someone from theatre class, but Moonbin didn't know if they didn't just suspect he was into some girl. On the other hand, for anyone that observed him well enough, it would've been obvious everything he did was just for Dongmin, as he spent every free minute with him as long as he wasn't with Minhyuk and the others.

And the others did know, that's what Moonbin noticed a month later. Although it was still winter, the climate had fortunately become a bit milder, and he had just crossed the schoolyard. Lunch with Minhyuk had been fun, but he was more excited about theatre - there was never enough Dongmin in his life.

Nothing in particular had happened in the last month that would've indicated that Dongmin liked him, and Moonbin felt himself grow a bit more hopeless with every week passing, but he never gave up. He kept on gifting Dongmin flowers, who told Moonbin he shouldn't spent so much money on flowers, but Moonbin could see his smile behind that sentence, and that's what kept him doing it anyways - the smile on Dongmin's face.

Moonbin stepped inside the little bathroom on the first floor that was opposite to the dance practice room. Even though it was still early afternoon, it was darker outside than it used to be. He sighed and stretched himself before closing the stall's door behind him.

A minute later he was ready to walk out again, but stopped in his actions as he heard the bathroom door open and a familiar voice saying: "Haven't you noticed something's up with Moonbin?"

It wasn't like Moonbin wanted to listen - he just had to. After the second sentence, he could sort out it were Myungjun and Jinwoo talking about him.

"Has Minhyuk talked to you, too?", Myungjun asked and Moonbin leaned his back against the door. Minhyuk? What had Minhyuk to do with all this? Moonbin thought Minhyuk himself was behaving strange, too, but he surely wouldn't talk behind his back about that matter.

"He did, but I would've noticed, anyway", Jinwoo answered and Moonbin could hear the sound of water running. "He's always buying these flowers, every Friday."

"Minhyuk thinks they're for Dongmin."

So they knew. Of course, only a blind person wouldn't notice the smile on Moonbin's face whenever someone mentioned Dongmin's name or how quick he was to answer his phone whenever a certain black-haired boy was calling him.

"I think so, too", Jinwoo said, sighing. "I didn't think things would turn out this way. Don't get me wrong, I think Dongmin is a nice person, I have a few classes with him, he is very responsible and all that, but ..."

But what? Anger started to raise in Moonbin. What did they know about Dongmin? Just because they were seniors and in one year with him, they still didn't know what he was like.

"I'm just afraid Moonbin will be hurt."

That set an end to Moonbin's inner monologue. Hurt? Why? Because Dongmin would be leaving the school after this year?

"If he really likes him that way, he'll definitely be hurt", Myungjun commented. "Dongmin had a girlfriend a few months ago, I think it was that girl named Somin. He's best friends with Moonbin, but I don't think he'll ever be into boys."

Moonbin's mouth seemed to be so dry it wasn't possible for him to swallow anymore. He pressed his eyes together, trying not to cry so Myungjun and Jinwoo wouldn't hear him, but also because he didn't want to cry. What point was there in crying? It wouldn't change anything. Moonbin had already tried to be prepared for the worst, that Dongmin would never like him back. Then why did it hurt so much to hear someone else say it?

"We can't do anything", Jinwoo responded. "And although Minhyuk seems so concerned and I would do anything to help him, it's still a thing between the two of them."

They talked about Moonbin and Dongmin for a while more, but Moonbin wasn't able to hear them. He felt like drowning. His heart beating against his ripcage was the only thing he was able to feel - he felt numb. Numb and at the same time angry, angry with Jinwoo and Myungjun and Minhyuk for talking about him like this, angry with Dongmin for being so nice to him when he still didn't like him in the end, and mostly angry with himself because he was so dumb, dumb ... dumb ...

When they left the bathroom, Moonbin waited a few minutes more until he was sure they wouldn't come back. Then, he stepped out of the stall and washed his face with water.

"Are you okay?", Minhyuk asked when he entered the dance practice room and put his bag with the bouquet on the floor. "You don't look too good."

"I'm fine", Moonbin smiled. "Just a little tired. Can you show me the dance moves I've missed last week?"

He was out of breath when he reached the auditorium an hour later, the bag tightly pressed between his arm and his hip, like he was holding onto the flowers. Letting himself fall down onto one of the seats in the back, he waited for Dongmin to turn up, while he forbid himself to think about the conversation he had witnessed in the bathroom.

A few girls were chatting in the front, Mr Jung was talking to two sophomores on the stage, but Dongmin was nowhere to be seen. Moonbin felt a clammy, damp feeling in his chest, mixed with the urge to see Dongmin. It was like he just had to see his smile in order to make sure he hadn't been dreaming all the ways Dongmin had showed him his gratefulness and happiness the last months.

When Dongmin finally turned up, a bit too late, and sat down next to Moonbin, he didn't know what he should say. A simple hey had already made his heart burn, so he decided it would be smarter not to speak anymore. Mr Jung had already sat down in the front row and a few students were acting their scene out on stage, so Moonbin took out his phone and pointed at Dongmin's bag, who got the message instantly.

Can I ask you something?, Moonbin typed, not too sure how to go on.

Sure. But why are you texting?

I just ... He deleted that. Mr Jung wouldn't be too amused to hear us talking.

Okay, I agree. So, what's up?

Were you together with Somin? Moonbin decided to just spit it out. The girl's name had been in his head the whole hour he had danced, and he just couldn't forget all the times Dongmin and her had talked so intimately. Jinwoo asked me because he wasn't sure and wanted to know, he typed to make it less obvious.

Dongmin seemed to be hesitant with his answer, but maybe it just seemed like an eternity to Moonbin because he felt horrible. Yeah, a few months ago. Didn't know Jinwoo was so interested in my love life, hahahah

Moonbin stared at the display that was slowly blurring. Yeah he's curious sometimes, he typed and silently apologized to Jinwoo.

Dongmin asked him a few more question about school and if they wanted to go see that new cool movie together, but Moonbin's answers were short. He didn't have the energy to pretend everything was alright anymore. He would've liked to just stand up and run away like he always wanted to. But he wasn't a child anymore, even though he still felt like one. He had to stay next to Dongmin, something he was always in favor of, if Dongmin just wouldn't be breaking his damn heart right now.

Moonbin had known Dongmin wasn't gay. Of course he had known. If there had been something between him and Dongmin, a few months without anything happening wouldn't have passed. It had just been an illusion Moonbin had made himself believe, that there was still a chance Dongmin felt something for him, a coping mechanism that had gone far enough for Moonbin to actually believe in it. Now he was sitting on the fragments of his own lie.

He was glad he didn't have to act that day, but not glad as he saw Somin walking up to Dongmin after the end of the class. Moonbin had become smaller and smaller in his seat during the class, until his body was bent and looked miserable between the armrests than seemed to be thicker than his own arms.

Moonbin knew that he should look up and greet Somin, but as he did, the only thing he could see was the way she looked at Dongmin and the emotion in her glance he had tried to ignore so hard until now. The conversations of people around him seemed to get so much louder, the air heavier and his own lungs weaker, and then he felt it for the first time - the urge to cough something up, like something was caught in his throat.

He turned his head away and coughed into his hand - but stopped full of fear when he noticed his hand was covered in tiny little splatters of blood.

Alarmed, he grabbed his bag, not noticing how the bouquet of forget-me-not fell out of it, and rushed to the door, hand pressed against his mouth. Running down the hallway, the only thing he could think of was the knot in his throat like something was desperately trying to get out.

As soon as he reached the bathroom, he locked the door behind him and grabbed the washbasin so hard his knuckles turned white, coughing so hard his lungs hurt. He had his eyes shut, and only when he was able to breathe again, he dared to open them.

The whole washbasin was filled with tiny petals, all blue with a yellow drop of colour in the middle. They looked like the flowers he bought every Friday morning, with the exception that he couldn't remember them wearing little red spots - or coming out of his throat.

\-------------------------------------

The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned.

The laptop on Moonbin's knees was dangerously tilting to the left, as if it was curious whether or not Moonbin would actually catch it. He didn't even notice, eyes focused on the text that was displayed on the screen.

He hadn't had to search for it for long. Just the three words coughing, flowers and blood had been sufficient to lead him to the result of an illness he had never heard from. That wasn't entirely true, it sounded familiar to him in a strange way, like something you learn in school as a kid, but forget because it bears no importance for you.

It wasn't all that rare, he had found out with a few clicks. A chance of becoming ill of one to four-thousand if you suffered of one-sided love.

It was the last evidence Moonbin needed. One-sided love. Dongmin didn't love him, of course he didn't, how would he ever ...

Moonbin threw the laptop to the end of his bed and pressed his face into his pillow like he wanted to suffocate himself. It felt a lot like suffocating, he had noticed, the knot in his throat. Only since the end of theatre class and now, in less two hours, he had coughed up a whole bundle of blue petals twice.

The Hanahaki Disease is very quick to spread in the body. After only a span of two weeks, the patient will start coughing up little branches, too, followed by roots growing in his lungs that make it impossible to breathe if surgery isn't performed.

Roots growing in his lungs? Moonbin felt like laughing, but tears threathened to spill out of his eyes. All of this sounded so ridiculous he wouldn't believe it if it wasn't for the scratching in his throat whenever he breathed.

Forget-me-not. Wasn't that a strange coincidence? Maybe it wasn't one. Would Dongmin still like them if he knew Moonbin coughed them up because of him?

But Dongmin wouldn't know. Dongmin just ... it wasn't his fault. As much as Moonbin wanted to be angry with Dongmin, he just couldn't. It was never one's fault he wasn't in love. Feelings weren't something you could just control. Oh, how Moonbin wished he could. Dongmin had never done anything wrong, especially not to him. He hadn't signed up for a helpless junior to fall in love with him just because he was so irresistible.

No, Dongmin wouldn't know. Moonbin sadly knew him well enough to be sure that Dongmin would think it was his fault. But it wasn't anyone's fault except Moonbin's. It was all his fault for loving Dongmin. His parents had told him not to, his friends had told him not to, but he had still.

The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

And the worst was, he didn't want it to change.

"Why are you wearing a scarf?", Minhyuk asked him on Monday when he sat down on his chair, his legs weak. He had managed to rinse the flowers he had coughed up yesterday night in his sleep and this morning down the toilet, but it wouldn't be easy to hide at school.

"I'm just cold", he answered, voice almost inaudible. Unfortunately, his plan to wear the scarf the whole day was disturbed by his teacher, who demanded him to take it off. Anxiously, Moonbin pressed his fingers against the plastic bag beneath his desk - the last way out before he would spill the flowers over his table.

He got better at hiding them with every day that passed. His friends, especially Minhyuk, began wondering why he had to go to the toilet so often, but he explained he just wasn't feeling too well. He checked nobody was in the stalls before bending over the toilet and throwing up every little petal that had been covering his lungs.

Dongmin had asked him why he had left so suddenly on Friday, but he told the same excuse he told everybody. Nobody questioned him, at least for the first week. Only as Friday got closer and closer, Moonbin seemed to feel even worse.

He tried to take medicine. He drank so much syrup against his coughing on Friday morning he was afraid he would throw up just because of that. He stuffed his mouth with candy drops to suck so his throat wouldn't be so dry. Nothing seemed to help.

He bought Dongmin flowers on his way to school like every week, even though he felt miserable. It was a routine he had to keep up, for Dongmin. At least these flowers weren't red at all - Moonbin couldn't help but notice the red splatters on his own coughed-up flowers became bigger by the day.

"Hey, Bin", Dongmin greeted him on Friday and Moonbin felt his throat scratching almost immediately. "Are you feeling better than last week?"

"Sure", Moonbin laughed. "It was just a cold. How are you? Anything special in the senior courses?"

Dongmin went on telling stories about his teacher, but like always when he was next to him, Moonbin could just focus on Dongmin's eyes and lips. It was a fascination than had never diminished, not once in all these months they had been talking and meeting. Dongmin could probably talk for hours and Moonbin wouldn't become bored even once. A shy smile formed itself on his lips.

"And in your classes?", Dongmin asked and Moonbin had already opened his mouth, but wasn't able to start speaking, because a coughing fit shook his body. In shock, he quickly turned in the opposite direction and pressed his hand against his lips. The petals were theatening to spill out from between his fingers and his mouth was full of petals than tasted like iron, but he forced himself to swallow them down.

As he turned around again, he had a smile on his lips. "I'm sorry, what?"

Moonbin spent his afternoons doing research and his evenings trying to breathe. His parents never noticed anything; he had always tried to avoid them, just like he did now. He locked his room when he went to bed, because on some days he would wake up with his bed full of flowers and his pillow drenched in dried blood.

He changed his sheets then, throwing them into the washer before anyone would be able to see, and took them out the same evening before he went to sleep.

It became increasingly hard for him to hide his struggles in front of his friends. It wasn't like he didn't want Minhyuk to know - he trusted him, trusted him like the friend he had always needed. But he knew what Minhyuk would say if he knew - he knew what everyone would say if they knew, and he didn't want to hear it. His own voice inside his head was enough.

"Are you sure you are okay?" There was a softness and gentleness in Minhyuk's voice he had never noticed before, and certainly not towards anyone else. He had often thought about the possibility of Minhyuk having a soft spot for him, but he refused to acknowledge it; it would make it even harder to lie to him.

"Sure", Moonbin answered. Moonbin always answered he was fine. He knew it was just a matter of time until someone would notice he wasn't.

Unfortunately, that person was the last one he wanted to know in the end.

After two weeks, the article had said, the patient would start to cough up branches, Moonbin remembered when he was kneeling over the toilet one afternoon, staring at the bloody wood in his shaking hands.

Followed by roots growing in the lungs, making it impossible to breathe ... after when? After the next two weeks? Moonbin wasn't too sure if he wanted to know. Ignoring the pain inside his chest became harder and harder every day, and he wasn't sure how long he would be able to keep this up. He had noticed it got worse whenever he was around Dongmin ... but he couldn't just stay away from him.

I don't think I'll be able to come to the movies today, Moonbin texted Dongmin as his mind won over his heart. I'm sorry

Don't be. You're still ill?

Mhm.

Moonbin laid his phone on the bathroom floor next to him, holding his head in his hands. Maybe he should just sleep. But last night he had been woken up by petals in his mouth every twenty minutes, making it almost impossible to do so ...

But he was tired. He was so incredibly tired. He just wanted to close his eyes and forget the world was moving around him, just for a moment. His parents wouldn't be home until the late evening, so there shouldn't be any problem ...

Moonbin didn't know how long he had slept or if he had slept at all because his whole body was hurting so unbelievably. But a thing he very clearly remembered was when he woke up, because somebody was screaming, and it wasn't him.

It took him a while to open his eyes, but when he did, he could see a familiar face in front of him. The face that was the reason of all his daydreams at nightmares at once, and those beautiful eyes were wide with horror, staring at something Moonbin himself couldn't yet see.

"Dongmin?", he whispered, still half asleep, but something wasn't right with his lips, they were numb, like something was covering them. He brought his fingers to his mouth unconsciously, but was awakened immediately by the feeling of something wet. Lifting his fingers again, he could see that they were red, not an unfamiliar sight for Moonbin, but ...

"Get out of here!", he shouted as he noticed what had happened, and weakly grabbed Dongmin's shirt, trying to push him out of the door. Dongmin himself wasn't even moving for a moment, until Moonbin was close to falling out of the bed. Gentle hands released Moonbin's grip and Moonbin only now noticed he was sobbing.

"Please get out", he cried, tears streaming over his cheeks, "please, please, just go, Dongmin, please, please ..."

Dongmin didn't answer, but softly laid Moonbin's hands into his lap, before reaching into his pocket. Moonbin noticed his hands were covered in blood, too, but had no time to react to that as he saw what Dongmin was doing.

"No, don't!", he shouted, grabbing Dongmin's phone and throwing it behind him on the bed. Only now he raised his head to look Dongmin in the eye and saw everything and nothing in them. Shock and anger and fear and worry and too much for Moonbin to understand before he bent over and threw up another bundle of little branches soaked in blood.

Dongmin laid an arm around his waist to prop him and Moonbin wanted to tell him he shouldn't touch him or else he would never stop throwing up, but he couldn't.

Dongmin took his chance and reached for his phone again, but Moonbin was quicker. "What are you doing?", he sobbed, fingers tight around the little device, and Dongmin's voice was desperate as he shouted: "Calling an ambulance! You're dying!"

"I'm not dying!", Moonbin shouted back and leaned his back against his wall, not letting go of Dongmin's phone, feeling too dizzy to say anything else.

"Then ... then what is this?", Dongmin screamed and Moonbin looked around - his whole bed and a part of the floor around it were covered in dark blood stains, blue flower petals and branches, building little piles.

"It's ...", Moonbin sobbed, still unable to control his tears, "it's nothing."

"It's not nothing!", Dongmin responded, "Have you coughed all this up? I-I mean, these are f-flowers, how can a human cough up ... I don't get it, Moonbin, please, how can you lose so much blood, d-do you even see this?!"

"It's just a stupid illness", Moonbin answered with trembling voice. He didn't dare to look Dongmin in the eye. "It's called Hanahaki."

"What is this even?" Dongmin sounded so helpless Moonbin just wanted to stand up and hug him and tell him everything was okay, but nothing was okay and everything would just get worse if he did so.

"It's ..." Moonbin stopped and bit his lip, tasting iron in his mouth. "If you love someone and they don't love you back, you can get this illness. It's not that common, so maybe you've just never heard of it."

There was a moment of silence, and then Dongmin said: "Give me my phone, Bin, please."

"I'm not going to let you call an ambulance!", Moonbin shouted, his body trembling. "I-It's not as bad as it looks. I've survived the last few weeks, too."

Only after Dongmin's reaction Moonbin understood he probably shouldn't have said that. "The last few weeks?", Dongmin was at a loss for words. "You've been waking up like this for the last few weeks?"

"W-Without the branches", Moonbin whispered, looking down.

"What?"

"Without the branches."

"I don't care about these fucking branches!", Dongmin shouted, "I'm going to drive you to the hospital now and they're gonna give you something against this and then ... then ..."

"No", Moonbin answered, trying to stay calm. "If you take me to the hospital, Dongmin, I'm never going to forgive you."

A long moment of silence. Something was in the air between them, and Moonbin didn't dare to look up. "Why?", was the only word that left Dongmin's mouth.

Moonbin swallowed. "They'll operate me. And the flowers and branches and everything will be gone, but ... but my feelings for the person, too."

"Who is it?", Dongmin asked and Moonbin could hear the anger in his voice. Anger he could hardly suppress, and Moonbin felt like throwing up all again.

"A girl from theatre class", he lied. "It's not important who she is."

The lie caused him to cough again. Branches that were cutting into his skin and tongue and flowers preventing him from breathing properly. Dongmin climbed onto his bed, holding his shoulders, searching for a way to help him. Moonbin couldn't help but cry again as he saw Dongmin's shirt stained with his own blood.

"Please, get this operation", Dongmin just begged, like it was the only thing he cared about.

"I won't", Moonbin said, with a voice that made it clear there was no room for discussion. "Don't you think I've thought about surgery? Do you know how hard it is not to breathe, how hard it is to hide this from you and everyone else?"

"Then why don't you?" Dongmin had unconsciously started crying, too, and Moonbin couldn't look at him anymore without throwing up.

"Have you ever loved someone?", Moonbin asked, tears glistening in his eyes. "It's not as easy as that. You have all of a person if you love them, and then you lose them, until nothing is left you thought you knew about them. I don't want to forget. Forgetting is the worst ... it's the worst I could ever do."

"You'd rather die?", Dongmin asked, speechless. "Do you listen to yourself? I won't let you die, just because of some stupid girl that doesn't love you back!"

Moonbin almost laughed. "Dongmin, it's not her choice. And it's also not yours. Forgetting my love for that person is not ... it's not a decision, don't you understand?"

"How isn't this a decision?", Dongmin cried, "How isn't ..."

"I'd forget everything", Moonbin whispered under his breath, "just everything. Love is something so precious, to be able to love someone like that, I can't just let it go."

"But she doesn't deserve your love, if she doesn't love you back." Dongmin had loosened his grip around Moonbin's shoulder and was now wiping the blood of his face. Moonbin looked at him, at the way the red stained his cheeks and nose, and smiled.

"Love isn't something you deserve", he whispered, "It's never something you truly have to earn."

Dongmin looked up, tears in his lashes that smeared on his cheeks as he said: "I'm never going to forgive myself if I just let you die."

It's not your decision to make. "And I'm never going to forgive myself if I just let myself forget."

\---------------------------------

Moonbin had thought he had seen bad things in his life - wounds and blood and Dongmin crying - but the worst thing he ever had to witness was how it tore Dongmin apart.

He tried his best to make Moonbin feel better, unaware of the fact that his presence alone made the roots in Moonbin's lungs grow so much faster. In the mornings, he waited for him in front of the school, giving him a hot cocoa he had bought somewhere, and Moonbin could see the relief in his eyes whenever Dongmin spotted him, like he had been afraid Moonbin wouldn't survive the walk to school. In between breaks, he lied they had to go to a meeting for theatre class and waited next to the bathroom while Moonbin threw up bunches of flowers.

There was fear in Dongmin's eyes, and it broke Moonbin's heart over and over. How he wished he wouldn't have forgotten to lock the front door that day when Dongmin just wanted to look if he was okay, how he wished Dongmin would've never seen him. He had made his decision long ago, but Dongmin would never accept it. And Moonbin couldn't expect him to.

He had thought about writing a letter to Dongmin, but he just couldn't manage to. He didn't want Dongmin to feel guilty about his illness, when it really wasn't Dongmin's fault at all - but that boy was so stubborn it was adorable.

Dongmin had tried to find out what girl it was that Moonbin was in love with, but he never gave him any information. To be honest, Moonbin was afraid Dongmin would murder them in their sleep. He had become kind of possessive over Moonbin, not letting anyone touch him because he was afraid it would make him feel worse, and Moonbin broke out in tears more than often. Dongmin never noticed it was about him.

"When is the schoolplay, by the way?", Minhyuk asked one lunch break. Moonbin had become used to wearing a facemask, and additionally, he wasn't hungry at all, so he was the only one not eating.

"This Friday", Moonbin answered, adusting the mask while swallowing a few petals that had made their way up his throat. He had become so used to ignoring his illness that it had become kind of normal for him, even the pain inside his throat. He refused to think about how much worse it would become.

"Oh, I'll come!", Myungjun happily announced and gave Jinwoo a smack on the head. "You're coming, too, right?"

"We're all coming, Myungjun", Sanha laughed, "we have already bought our tickets a week ago if you would just remember."

Moonbin felt so grateful for his friends, he didn't quite know how to express his feelings. So he just laughed with them as Minhyuk made a stupid joke.

Life around them went normally, while Moonbin and Dongmin were holding onto each other. It was a secret they shared but that everyone had to cope with in their own way. Moonbin couldn't help but feel desperation every time he looked into Dongmin's eyes and realized he had dragged him into this - the person he loved, the person he was suffering because of was now suffering, too.

Of course he thought about surgery. Not thinking about it would've been impossible. And he knew it was selfish - it was probably the most selfish thing he had ever done. Nobody would care about his feelings for Dongmin if they got removed except for himself. Dongmin didn't even know Moonbin liked him, but still Moonbin felt like he would betray Dongmin if he just forget.

Dongmin hadn't earned his love, as Moonbin had loved him from the beginning, but he still deserved to be loved by him. And Moonbin was afraid what it would be like if he just forgot.

Dongmin's touches were as soft as ever as he was helping Moonbin put on his costume. It was half an hour before the performance would start, and Moonbin felt bubbly happiness inside, even though he was afraid he would cough on stage. It was a weird feeling to feel the roots growing inside him, like something strange was taking control of his body, but it also felt like ... home.

"Are you excited?", he asked Dongmin while smiling at him. Moonbin always made a great effort to be happy around Dongmin, as he looked like he was in constant worry.

"I've done this way too many times to be excited anymore", Dongmin answered and a slight smile appeared on his lips as he fixed the last details. "You look just like I've imagined Jaques all this time."

"You knew the play before the teacher announced it, right?" It was something Moonbin had always wanted to ask, but just now gotten the chance to.

"I've read all of Shakespeare", Dongmin smiled. He looked just like the angel Moonbin had been reminded of when he had first seen him. He had changed, Dongmin, but Moonbin had also.

"It's time to get ready!", Mr Jung shouted from somewhere backstage, and Dongmin let his hands leave Moonbin's costume. Moonbin himself was looking at Dongmin like he was contemplating whether his body would survive another direct contact without him ending up coughing all over the audience or not.

"Good luck", Dongmin said and then he did it - the same action that was the reason why Moonbin had fallen in love with him.

Fingertips against his temple and then against his cheek, fixing a strand of his hair. And even though Moonbin knew that was just a friendly gesture and Dongmin didn't like him the same way, he allowed himself for a moment, just for a moment, to imagine how it would be like to kiss him.

"Good luck", Moonbin whispered, before he turned around to quickly cough up the petals before it was his turn to go onstage.

When he came back, he stayed in distance to Dongmin, like he had wanted to, but still jealously noticed how Somin walked up to him and talked to him. He still wasn't over the fact Somin had been Dongmin's girlfriend, even if only for a short period of time ... he had nothing against her personally, but couldn't prevent hating her a tiniest bit for having experienced what he never would.

Dongmin looked up just in time to see the hurt look on his face; but Mr Jung was already hurrying them onto the stage.

Moonbin didn't have to play for the first scene, so he just stood behind the curtain and followed the action on the stage as a spectator. The auditorium was entirely dark, except for the little spot on the stage that was illuminated. The rows were filled with people, some of which Moonbin knew and some he didn't. He wasn't able to see Minhyuk or anyone of his friends, but they had promised they'd be there.

When Dongmin stepped onto the stage in scene one, it was like the atmosphere in the auditorium became even more serious. Moonbin could understand it - he himself was once again mesmerized by Dongmin's talent, the way he managed to become someone entirely different on stage. He was so mesmerized he almost missed his own part in scene two.

They went on like this for a while, Moonbin making use of the breaks inbetween his performances to go to the toilet and clean his mouth. Everything went rather smoothly, and Moonbin almost thought the whole performance would just pass without any incident, until they slowly reached the end of act five and Moonbin was confronted with Orlando and Rosalind, the latter still in the costum of Ganymede, but nonetheless played by Somin.

Maybe, probably, Moonbin should have just stepped back and looked away like he had told himself he would - but he couldn't. The way Orlando, Dongmin, was touching Somin's face made him wonder what it would be like if he was standing there instead of her. It was always the same dream he had, that he knew would never come true and sometimes, sometimes, he just wished it would disappear.

And so he had to cough. He tried to suppress it with all his willpower, but it wasn't possible. Dongmin must've heard it even onstage because Moonbin noticed how he looked up for a second, an alarmed look on his face, but he couldn't just stop playing in the middle of a scene.

Moonbin stumbled backstage, walked around the props and clothes racks, pressing his hand against his mouth but still spilling some petals on the floor. He couldn't care less, as his whole body was hurting like he was burning alive, and his breath was so weak he wasn't able to get enough oxigen into his lungs before his knees met the pavement outside the school building.

Dongmin noticed something wasn't right as soon as he came back from his scene; he only had a few seconds to change his costume, but every thought about the schoolplay disappeared out of his mind as soon as he saw the bloody petals on the floor. He wanted to scream, but no sound left his throat.

He found Moonbin outside, on the street, while Somin and a few others were shouting his name. He didn't go back. They didn't scream his name, but Moonbin's when they had finally made their way outside.

Moonbin was too weak to say more than a few words to Dongmin, who had placed Moonbin's head in his lap and was murmuring incoherent sentences as if he was trying to calm Moonbin down but couldn't concentrate. He stared up into Dongmin's dark eyes as if he wanted to lose himself in them. There was only one thing he wanted Dongmin to say, but those three words would never pass his beautiful lips and Moonbin knew it.

"I never asked you", Dongmin cried while someone was still giving directions to the ambulance on the phone, "why you always spit out forget-me-not."

Moonbin smiled. "They are", he coughed, a bit of blood running down his chin and onto Dongmin's hand before he looked up at him again, "my favorite flowers, you know."

\--------------------------------------------

Dongmin spent the night in the hospital. He didn't know if they had continued the schoolplay after the incident, but he didn't think so, considering he had twenty missed calls by his parents and Mr Jung on his phone.

Somin had been there in the beginning, and a few other people, but everyone had left after two or three hours. Now it was three or four in the morning, it was dark outside and Dongmin felt like he was the one dying instead of Moonbin.

When a doctor finally, finally showed up, Dongmin was afraid his soul would leave his body. At least the doctor smiling seemed to be a good sign. Dongmin wasn't able to say a word until the man told him: "Everything went well. He should wake up in a few hours, but he'll need a few days to fully recover."

He told Dongmin he should go home and sleep, but Dongmin didn't think he would be able to close his eyes. The picture of blood running over Moonbin's face was something he would never be able to forget, and especially not today.

Dongmin was leaning back in his chair as he suddenly heard loud footsteps coming closer to where he was sitting and then a few figures came in sight. One running in front of the other three, fast steps on the white linoleum floor. Only as the door slid open, Dongmin was able to distinguish Minhyuk, who was running towards him, and Sanha, Myungjun and Jinwoo directly behind.

The other three were shouting something in Minhyuk's direction and Dongmin stood up to tell him everything had gone well with the surgery, but before he was even able to open his mouth, Minhyuk's fist hit his cheekbone and made him fall to the ground.

The pain was spreading unbelievably quick, and he groaned, holding the left side of his face. Minhyuk didn't give him a break - grabbing the collar of the costume he was still wearing, he pulled him up until they were eye to eye.

"Why did you do this to him?!", Minhyuk shouted, pushing Dongmin with his back against the wall so hard Dongmin groaned once again. "Why did you do this to him, you asshole?! Answer me!"

"Minhyuk, stop", Jinwoo begged from behind and tried to drag Minhyuk away but he didn't budge. "Tell me!", he screamed, "Tell me why!"

Dongmin noticed there were tears running down his cheeks but he was too shocked to say anything. Noticing Dongmin wouldn't answer, Minhyuk released his collar and stumbled to the row of chairs next to the wall, letting himself fall on one of them.

"I-I'm sorry", Dongmin managed to stammer, "w-what do you mean?"

"You knew it, didn't you?!", Minhyuk shouted and stared at him with hate in his eyes. "you knew he had this illness and you didn't tell us!"

"He didn't want to tell you!", Dongmin defended himself. "Hell, he didn't even want to get the operation!"

"Because he is way too stubborn to see it's killing him!", Minhyuk yelled, "I thought you were his friend! I trusted you - I trusted you to take care of him! Why couldn't you just lie to him?!"

"Lie?!", Dongmin yelled back, "Lie about what?!"

"About your feelings, goddammit!"

"My feelings?!", Dongmin shouted, "What do my feelings have to do with this?! Somin wasn't going to love him back no matter how much I would've lied to him!"

Minhyuk was silent for a moment, staring at Dongmin like he couldn't believe what he had just heard. "Somin?", he managed to whisper after a few seconds. "Why Somin?"

"Because ..." Dongmin swallowed, his voice quieter than before. "Because he was in love with Somin, wasn't he?"

All four just stared at him incredulously; Dongmin began to shiver under their stares. "Be-because", he hurried to explain, "h-he said that he was in love with a g-girl from the theatre group and h-he asked me if S-Somin was my girlfriend and then h-he looked so s-sad when I talked to h-her ..."

It was as if Dongmin was trying to explain to himself rather than to Minhyuk and the others what he believed to be the truth.

"He wasn't in love with Somin", Jinwoo whispered almost inaudible and all four, even Minhyuk this time, were looking at him like they were contemplating if they should tell him or not.

"T-then ... who ...?"

Minhyuk lowered his head like he didn't want to look Dongmin into the eye.

"He was in love with you."

Dongmin tried to stand, but his legs could only carry him for a split second longer until he just fell onto the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably. 

\--------------------------------

He wore a white shirt and a jeans when he entered the intensive care unit. It was white, even whiter than the rest of the hospital, and he couldn't help but wonder if Moonbin would be happy seeing everything so clean.

He was in a very late stage of the disease.

Dongmin gripped his hands tighter around the bunch of flowers in his hands. They smelled like they had just been plucked. He had made sure they were fresh when he had bought them that morning.

A lot of his memories about you will also be gone, together with his feelings, especially everything concerning the time of the disease.

He knocked on the door, and a friendly, way too familiar voice answered: "Yes?"

He won't remember being ill or being in love with you. Dongmin, neither we nor his parents will tell him, so please don't mention anything. It will just confuse him, and he needs to rest properly.

The room was bright as the sun had just risen above the horizon. Dongmin almost couldn't recognize Moonbin when he first stepped into the hospital room - it was too much light for his eyes. Only after a few seconds, when he had gotten used to it, he was able to see Moonbin clearly. He had been afraid of him looking differently, but except the fact that he was wearing hospital clothes, everything about him seemed to be the same.

"Hey, Bin", he said, hesitant with the nickname but Moonbin didn't seem to mind.

"Dongmin, right?", he asked and although Dongmin was confused, he was relieved Moonbin remembered him at all. Seeing his confused expression, Moonbin laughed.

"I'm sorry", he explained, "so many people visit me and I'm always afraid of not remembering someone so I try to recall their name first."

"It's okay", Dongmin hurried to say and sat down on the chair next to Moonbin. He wasn't quite sure what to say, so he just looked at him. It had been two weeks since he had last seen him, but it felt like an eternity.

"We're in theatre class together, right?", Moonbin asked and Dongmin swallowed. It was hard to focus on anything else than Moonbin's eyes that were looking at him like he was seeing him for the first time. Dongmin felt uncomfortable.

"W-what do you remember?", he managed to say, still looking at Moonbin's eyes. He wondered if he had ever noticed how much expression they carried until now.

"Everything", Moonbin said, but quickly corrected himself: "Well, everything until ... the winter holidays or something like that. And a few feelings and emotions are missing too, that's what the doctors have told me. Strange accident, isn't it?"

"Accident?", Dongmin asked, his lips dry.

"I ... I had an accident with a car on my way to school, right?", Moonbin asked and suddenly looked so helpless Dongmin quickly answered: "Yes, of course. Excuse me."

"The memory is a bit blurry", Moonbin apologized but Dongmin dared to doubt the memory existed at all. "But ... I remember how we met. I'm still sorry for getting your shirt wet."

Dongmin laughed. "And it's still okay."

"We practiced together, right?", Moonbin asked. "You ... you gave me a letter for Christmas. We're really good friends, aren't we?"

"Do you feel like we are?", Dongmin asked before he could stop himself.

Moonbin seemed to be taken aback by his sudden question. "Yeah, sure", he then answered. "I may have lost a few emotions but the feeling of friendship between us is something I can still recall and feel."

Dongmin smiled slightly, but it was a sad smile. He hoped Moonbin wouldn't notice. "I'm glad."

They talked a bit about theatre class. Moonbin really did remember everything that had happened before he had become ill. Dongmin still wondered what day that had been, but he knew he would never get an answer to that.

He was happy Moonbin was sitting in front of him, healthy and without any blood on his face, but something was different about him, something in the way he responded to Dongmin and reacted to him. Dongmin felt his eyes burning. How did he never notice?

"Oh", Moonbin suddenly said when his phone started ringing. He looked onto the screen and laughed. "What a coincidence", he then said and Dongmin asked: "Why?"

"Seungjun just wrote me a message", Moonbin laughed. "It's funny because the last time we talked was in the winter holidays. I guess I'll just say nothing really happened. Right?"

Dongmin nodded, eyes on Moonbin's lips.

"Oh, and ... uh ... you're still holding these flowers. I didn't dare to ask, but ... are they for me or someone else?"

Dongmin smiled and held up the sunflowers in his hand. "They're for you. Someone told me they're your favorite."

"Did I never tell you?", Moonbin asked confused and smiled while he looked at them.

"No." You lied.

"What are your favorite flowers, Dongmin?", Moonbin asked but stopped Dongmin before he could answer. "Wait. I feel like ... it's something blue, isn't it? I don't know why it's such a blurry memory, but ... when I look at you I think of forget-me-not. Am I right?"

Dongmin smiled at him, the sunlight reflecting in his eyes. "They were my favorite. But they're not anymore."

\---------------------------------------------

"Hey, Dongmin, wait for me!"

Dongmin stopped in his tracks, turning around to look for whoever had called him. The entrance hall was packed with students, as everyone was trying to get out quickly to leave the school behind for holidays. When Dongmin finally spotted Somin in the crowd, he wasn't surprised to see her. They hadn't talked much in the past few weeks, with final exams in the whole month of April and even the beginning of May.

"Somin", he said and smiled. "Excited to leave? Finally?"

She laughed, her ponytail bouncing up and down happily. "I've been waiting for this moment for the last few years of my life", she answered. "Now I can leave and explore the world - well, at least for a year."

"You're doing at gap year?", Dongmin asked and Somin nodded excited. "Yeah, one full year in South America. I've been taking a few Spanish courses over the spring, but I still need to improve a lot. And you? You've already been accepted at the drama school?"

"Yeah", Dongmin said. "I've already been accepted last year." Not that it would matter anymore.

"You're spoiled", she laughed, fixing the hem of her shirt. "I wish I was as lucky as you."

She continued to talk about her gap year, but Dongmin didn't listen anymore - something else had caught his attention. Turning around quickly, he bowed in front of Somin before apologizing: "I'm sorry, there is someone I really have to speak to. You have my phone number, right? We stay in contact?"

Somin looked confused, but nooded. Dongmin quickly smiled before walking away with fast steps, looking for the person he had just seen amongst all the students leaving the building through the entrance door. He felt fear creep up his spine - until he finally spotted him next to the lockers at the end of the hall.

Dongmin couldn't help but think that he looked different, like he changed a bit more every time Dongmin caught a glance of him; and he had tried to many times. In between breaks, in the lunch break, after school, whenever he had the time to do so. He had sat in the empty auditorium on Friday afternoon, hoping the door would open and he would just be there, but he never was. The only time Dongmin had actually seen him had been at the performance of the dance club; he had just stood there and stared at him until the music had stopped.

Love isn't something you deserve. It's never something you truly have to earn.

"Hey." Dongmin could see how Moonbin looked up as soon as Minhyuk walked up to him. He had grown a bit over the last few months, his school uniform was almost a bit too small for him. "Are you okay?"

"Sure", Moonbin answered. "I'm just packing my books. Where is Sanha?"

"He already left. Myungjun said he'd make sure him and Jinwoo come tonight, too", Minhyuk explained. "Maybe we should think about ordering more pizza."

Moonbin laughed, something Dongmin had missed. He had missed everything about Moonbin. He wanted to go up to him and hug him and do so much more but he was unable to move a muscle. The only thing he felt was that suffocating feeling inside his chest.

"Let's go", Minhyuk said. "My mom prepared lunch."

"I'm still feeling guilty that I'm causing such an inconvenience", Dongmin heard Moonbin say. "I can't just live at your house for a whole year."

Minhyuk laughed. "Let's just think about the next few weeks for now, okay?"

Dongmin felt like his heart stopped beating when he saw Minhyuk taking Moonbin's hand and quickly kissing him on the lips before they would attract any spectators.

He couldn't take his eyes off Moonbin - couldn't since the night Moonbin's head had laid in his lap, blood running down his chin and onto Dongmin's hand. His nightmares were about this picture in his mind and every daydreaming was about him turning back the time.

When they walked past Dongmin, he could've bet Moonbin's glance laid on him for a split second, looking at him like he had always done and Dongmin could see him again, the lopsided yellow beanie on his head as he was asking him for his favorite flowers.

The next second, they had passed him and were walking outside. Dongmin's eyes were still focused on their intertwined hands as he felt the familiar scratching in his throat.

They were long gone, just like everybody else in the school building, when Dongmin raised his head and dared to look into the mirror above the washbasin in the bathroom. He felt a lot of things all at once, but no surprise. There wasn't anything in his face he hadn't expected to see anyways.

Except for the branches maybe, that were covered by the large petals of sunflowers.

You have all of a person if you love them, and then you lose them, until nothing is left you thought you knew about them.

"I would've never forgiven myself if I'd let you die", Dongmin whispered. "But one of us has to remember, don't you think so, Binnie?"

**Author's Note:**

> I want to apologize: I've wanted to write angst for a long time and Binwoo became my victim.  
> I still hope you enjoyed it even though it was pretty sad.  
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Much love,  
> Akiko
> 
> Instagram: @akiko_chaan  
> Twitter: @Akiko_chaan  
> Tumblr: @akiko-chaan  
> Wattpad: @Akiko-chaan


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